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    • Ask Eric: My brother-in-law’s insistence that I eat more at meals than I want is ruining annual visits
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    Ask Eric: My brother-in-law’s insistence that I eat more at meals than I want is ruining annual visits

    Pabio Posted on

    Dear Eric: My brother-in-law lives in another state and we only see him once a year. He loves cooking and spends a lot of time and effort preparing good meals for us. The problem is that I can’t eat as much as he thinks.

    My husband and I eat two meals a day. His brother cooks us three big meals a day. I’m a small person and I just can’t eat all this food, so I have small portions of everything. And he constantly complains about how little I eat and I shouldn’t eat more because I don’t like the food. The food is usually good and I always tell him that.

    Because of this continuous harassment, I hate going there. The last time we were there he was so angry because I didn’t eat more food that he raised his voice to criticize me. I was stunned. I told my husband I would never go back, but his brother is his only living close relative and he thinks I should just forget what happened. I know if I go back he will do the same thing because he has been doing it for 10 years. My husband has never stood up to her because he doesn’t want to jeopardize their relationship.

    – Getting fed up

    Dear Fed Up: Put down your foot and put down your fork. Your brother-in-law’s hospitality is a nice gesture that is completely ruined by his caustic behavior. How is someone supposed to enjoy their meal with someone yelling at them?

    You are right to no longer want to subject yourself to that. Initially, it seemed like your brother-in-law was an overenthusiastic host who indulged his love of food and anxiety about getting it right. But this behavior ultimately seems more controlling than anything else.

    Be clear with your husband that this is behavior you cannot tolerate. You don’t have to forget it. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to, including eating crow. If he absolutely wants to return, he can talk to his brother about the terrible reactions. It sounds like the relationship between the brothers is also unhealthy, so your husband might have a hard time fulfilling this request, but it’s important. Sure, you can put up with one awkward visit a year, but it goes beyond just grinning and bearing it.

    Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

    Pabio
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