Tis the season for fun! But what if it’s not the season for fun? What if you don’t feel joyful at all because you’re mourning someone who has passed away?

All the tinsel and well wishes can feel very hollow and empty if you are grieving.

It is certainly true that when we are grieving, some people can really step up and make a world of difference. The feeling of disconnection runs through grief like a spidery thread, but a small kindness, a few words, a thoughtful gesture can remind us that we are still connected to others.

Richard E. Grant gave a touching account of how King Charles visited his dying wife, dialect coach Joan Washington, days before her death from lung cancer in 2021.

“Shortly before my wife died, Prince Charles came to visit her, sat in our garden, held her hands and talked about life as she contemplated her own death. Kindness, generosity, humor and compassion. Princely attributes worthy of a king.

What a contrast to the reaction of others.

Mr Grant has previously spoken about how, after Joan’s death, he lost friends because of the way they reacted to his grief.

Speaking at the Cheltenham Literary Festival last year, he said: “After she died I saw people crossing the road rather than talking. If they think you’re going to fall apart and be an emotional wreck, I don’t know. But I will never speak to them again.

Although death and grief are a universal phenomenon, we often have very poor relationships with those who are grieving.

As shocking as this may sound, it’s all too familiar.

Although death and grief are a universal phenomenon that none of us can escape, we are often very poor at dealing with the bereaved.

Many bereaved patients have told me the same thing: They are often confused by people’s reactions and deeply hurt.

People find grief very difficult to deal with. They feel like they don’t know what to say, how to behave, or are afraid to do or say something that might make things worse – so they stay away.

At Christmas, you’d think people would gather around a grieving friend, especially if it’s the first since losing a loved one. Yet, in my experience, the season of goodwill is often rare.

Not wanting to appear thoughtless, people don’t invite them to the usual drinks or parties. Surely they wouldn’t want to come and rejoice, would they?

And maybe there’s even a little worry that they’ll detract from the mood, too.

But it’s not our place to make assumptions about how they will feel.

Dr Max Pemberton (pictured) advises allowing a bereaved person to grieve on their own terms and not turning your back on them.

Of course, many people will find this time of year very difficult, even years after their death. Christmas will bring back memories, traditions will seem empty or pointless, and the entire holiday season can seem long and endless.

This doesn’t mean ignoring them is anything other than hurtful. In fact, it is often enough to simply acknowledge a person’s pain and loss.

You don’t need to come up with clever words or be able to offer them wisdom or comfort in their grief. Take inspiration from them.

If they want to be light and airy, that’s fine – maybe they’re tired of always being the grieving person and want to laugh like everyone else.

If they want to be sad or depressed, that’s also okay – and it’s not an invitation for you to try to cheer them up.

People cry differently. There is no right or wrong way, and just letting someone do it their way is in itself a huge relief for many.

I remember a father whose daughter had died in a car accident, talking about how people quickly abandoned him in the aftermath. They just felt overwhelmed by the tragedy and didn’t know what to say.

And then there was his one true friend, who stayed by his side, allowing him to be however he wanted, sitting with his grief even at the height of the pain.

All the tinsel and good wishes can seem very hollow and empty if you are grieving (stock image)

The man described his friend as being a “witness” to his grief and felt it was incredibly helpful to have someone just be there with him, without trying to change or make him better.

So don’t try to “fix” things: People often feel obligated to make the person feel better at the end of a conversation, which often leads to awkward or insensitive statements or platitudes trivialities that are more likely to irritate or bore.

Whatever you do, don’t try to talk about yourself – and be careful if you compare their experience to your own.

If you left it for a long time without contacting anyone, you can always contact us and apologize. Christmas is the perfect time to do it.

Don’t make excuses, just say that you didn’t know what to say but now realize it wasn’t the right thing to do and that you’re sorry.

What about the happy card you usually send them? It just doesn’t seem fair to wish them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year when it will be neither. It’s much easier to cross them off the Christmas card list, isn’t it?

But suddenly not getting cards only highlights how alone they now find themselves. Instead, send flowers or a plant, with a short message: “Just to let you know I’m thinking of you right now.” Or be honest: “It’s hard to know what to write because Merry Christmas doesn’t seem appropriate, but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts.” »

The greatest gift you can give a bereaved person this Christmas is to allow them to grieve on their own terms and not turn your back on them.

It doesn’t seem too difficult, but it’s surprising how many of us struggle to cope.

Ian Hislop was injured after being hit by an electric bike while crossing the road. I have had two elderly patients who were injured – one very seriously – after collisions with e-bikes. When are we going to crack down on them?

How to overcome the terrible winter cold

TV presenter Kirstie Allsopp (pictured) complained of a “chest infection/lurgy” like she’s never had before.

Have you had this dreadful lurgy that seems to be going around? It’s almost bad enough to be a real flu, but not quite.

I experienced this last week, and many of my colleagues no longer work with him now. At least we’re in good company.

Kirstie Allsopp complained of a “lung infection/lurgy” like she’s never had before, adding that she tried to find another celebrity to replace her at a Christmas carol concert, but that she had not succeeded because many of them were sick.

“It seems to have hit the celebrity circuit particularly hard,” she said.

Despite all the progress made in recent decades, no cure is yet available. So what works when you have one of these infections?

I recommend rest, plenty of fluids, paracetamol, Difflam spray to relieve sore throats and Lotil for chapped skin. And also some good old black and white films, curled up on the sofa.

I cherish a photo of my nephew, Monty, emerging from a cardboard box when he was three years old. I had sent my sister a big box of gifts, and for an entire hour he played in it while his real gift remained untouched. For him it was a car, a spaceship or a submarine.

Research shows that basic gifts such as blocks or boxes are better for toddlers than gadgets because they stimulate imagination and promote neurological development.

This Christmas, throw away the screens and keep the boxes they came in!

Dr. Max prescribes…

The Wellcome Collection in London, which has exhibits on the human body, is perfect for children

If you’re looking for somewhere to take the kids on vacation, try the Wellcome Collection in London, which has exhibits on the human body.

I think it’s a hidden gem. A fabulous exhibition by artist Jason Wilsher-Mills about his personal experiences with disability and medicine is running until the end of January.