The holidays are a time of joy for many as families come together to enjoy festive dinners, indulge in beloved traditions, and create new memories. But the holiday season can also be a difficult time for neurodivergent people and their families, who may struggle to step away from normal routines and cope with the pressures of social expectations.

University of Delaware experts in College of Education and Human Development (CEHD) and its Center for Disability Studies (CDS) are here to help families support their neurodivergent loved ones. Sarah CurtisCEHD assistant professor, Alisha Fletcherdirector of CDS Delaware Network for Autism Excellence (DNEA) and Sarah MalloryCEHD assistant professor and CDS associate director, shares tips for parents, caregivers and community members.

Q: Why can the holiday season be difficult for neurodivergent children and adolescents?

Sarah Mallory: Neurodivergent people often navigate a world that was not built for them. Children and adolescents with autism may have sensory differences that make loud noises or bright lights uncomfortable. They may thrive on routine and find that unpredictable vacation schedules deviate from the structured days they prefer. Participating in social events and activities may cause neurodivergent people to feel the need to mask or hide aspects of their disability, such as social differences or self-stimulatory behaviors (soothing repetitive actions). These experiences can be exhausting or distressing for a neurodivergent person, and frustrating because they may see other people enjoying holiday gatherings without the same difficulties. Being aware of how neurodivergent children experience the world allows us to make small adjustments to our home and gatherings to ensure all our loved ones can enjoy the magic and excitement of the holidays.

Q: How can parents and guardians support their children during this time?

Alisha Fletcher: Parents and guardians can help by preparing for the holiday season, preparing visual supports that reduce uncertainty, creating sensory spaces, and remaining flexible. For example, a parent or guardian could create a visual schedule for the week leading up to family meetings. The program can include pictures representing each activity, such as decorating the house, visiting relatives, and opening gifts. A quiet corner could be set up with soft lighting and noise-cancelling headphones, where the child can retreat if the environment becomes overwhelming. These strategies can help a child feel more in control and reduce stress related to changes in routine. Watching for signs of stress, allowing breaks, and maintaining familiar routines while remaining flexible can also ensure a more positive and manageable vacation experience for the whole family.

Q: What could a family member or friend do to support a neurodivergent guest in their home during the holidays?

Sarah Curtiss: Every neurodivergent person is different, so it can be helpful to ask them or their caregiver what they need to be comfortable. If your neurodivergent loved one has a special interest, including them in the event can be a small way to show you’re thinking of them. For example, if your guest is passionate about trains, you could add a small train to your home decoration. You may also consider adjusting your social expectations for how your neurodivergent guest interacts in a group or participates in holiday dinners or gift-giving activities. For example, some neurodivergent people need a break from social interactions, but still want to stay with the group, so they use an iPad or wear headphones. This does not mean that they are not committed, quite the contrary! Likewise, the gift ritual raises many social expectations, both for the giver and for the receiver. Things like expressions of gratitude may not look like what you expect, but that doesn’t make them any less meaningful.

Q: The holidays can also be stressful for parents and guardians because schools and other support services may be closed. Do you have any suggestions for parents and guardians to reduce stress?

Sarah Curtiss: The best advice I can give to parents and caregivers is the hardest to follow: take care of yourself during the holiday season. It’s especially difficult because you’re working with fewer resources during the holidays, with greater expectations, and outside of your usual routine. One way to take care of yourself is to keep the traditions you love and let go of the ones you don’t. It’s okay to say no, set boundaries, do things your own way, and ask for help. Ultimately, we all deal with the stress of the holidays through the warmth and connection they bring. Whether you had a perfect day or felt more like the Griswolds, articulating what you’re grateful for and what brings you joy actually reduces stress and promotes well-being.

Resources for families

CEHD Disability Services Center provides many resources for people with autism and their families, including assistive technology supports and a range of resources offered through the DNEA. For example, DNEA offers a workshop on holidays and special events and resource guide which explores why holidays can be difficult for autistic people and offers practical strategies to reduce holiday stress. Places are still available for the next DNEA workshop,”Supporting your autistic child during the holiday season,» on December 18, 2024, at the Brandywine Hundred Library in Wilmington, Delaware.

To learn more about CEHD’s research on disability and inclusion, visit its search page.