Dear Annie:

How can I make my married adult children understand that I don’t like being with my ex during the holidays? My son lives several states away and he invited my daughter and her family, my ex, my wife and I together for Thanksgiving. This will be the first time in almost seven years that I will see my two children together for a vacation.

My daughter has celebrated Christmas at home every year since my granddaughter was born. We’re invited, but my ex is still there. I think holidays should be happy occasions at the very least, so maybe we could alternate years. But that doesn’t happen. I dread Thanksgiving and being with her. She’s making me angry or, in my opinion, wanting to start a fight while everyone is out of earshot. I consider her a lying, unfaithful and adulterous witch.

I want to spend time with my children, but not with her. My daughter-in-law and son-in-law have had disagreements with her in the past. My letter is quite long; I could go on and on. — Avoid exes

Dear ex to avoid:

The best way to make it clear to your adult children that you wouldn’t want to be with your ex over the holidays is to tell them. But understand that this could mean less time with your children.

You really have two choices: ignore your ex-wife’s chatter and negativity to spend more time (quantity), or spend less time – but quality time – with your children without your ex making rude remarks .

No matter what you decide, she will be part of your life. It’s best to try to let go and forgive some of the anger you feel towards her because of her adultery. Not for her, but for yours.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner? » is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

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