• As an older brother, I felt pressure to spend money on my family on past holidays.
• It made me happy and I wanted to be considered successful. This year I’m not making as much money.
• My financial situation was making me anxious and I needed to find a solution.

I take on the role of being the “older brother“seriously. As an older brother, I want to be a good example for my younger brother, take care of my family’s needs, and be reliable and responsible.

For me, financial success is the best way to fulfill this role. In 2023, I remained faithful to my role while achieving a decent monthly income. After monthly expenses, I could save part of my salary. I would spend this on my family when I visit during the holidays. But in July 2024, I turned to freelancing. My income was not stable and I felt more financial pressure than ever.

As the holidays approached, I grew more worried about money. I was still finding my place in the freelance world and my savings were drying up. If I didn’t earn well, I wouldn’t be able to spend well either.

I worried if I could pay vacation expenses This year. I wanted to live up to what I expected of myself and what my family expected of me. I also wanted to avoid the mistakes I made during the holiday season last year.

This year I am not in the same financial situation as last year

When I went home for the holidays last year, with my stable income, I didn’t worry about spending or having a vacation budget. However, I realized that I should have set a spending limit when I returned. I had gone too far.

My “eldest daughter syndrome” had happened to me many times. Buying dinners for my family, throwing parties for my cousins, buying last-minute gifts – I wanted to take care of everything. I wanted to be reliable.

This year, my heart rate increased at the thought of going home. Every time my brother called me to plan a dinner or a trip with the cousins, I would instantly check my account and wonder how I could afford it.

I did not have the same financial privileges as the previous year. Freelancing seemed promising, but I wasn’t yet in the groove of onboarding regular clients and earn a constant income. I wouldn’t get paid for 1-2 months after submitting one-off assignments and had to rely on my savings to cover my expenses.

The entire month leading up to my return home to see my family, my anxiety was through the roof. I needed a plan for overcome my financial anxiety. But first, I had to understand why it exists.

I had to look at why I felt so much pressure to pay for everything

I had some fears. I was afraid of running out of money because of last minute expenseslike dinners and gifts. I was afraid my family would have to cover for me if this happened. Finally, I was afraid they would judge me if they had to cover up for me. I also didn’t want anyone to pay me; after all, I felt like I was supposed to take care of my family, not the other way around.

I realized that spending money on my loved ones was not just a way to fulfill my role as an older brother. It also gave me immense pleasure and was important to me. Whether it was a small gesture or a friendly dinner, I wanted to offer it.

Exploring further, I thought about how I’ve spent every vacation since I started earning my own money. My parents, my cousins, everyone offered to pay or contribute, but I insisted on taking care of it. I would go to great lengths to make sure I was the one paying. I once argued with my mother so she would let me pay for her new sweater in front of the cashier.

Looking back, I realized that although I liked paying for things in the past, no one else expected it of me. I wanted to do it because I wanted to be seen as responsible. In reality, I realized that I was adding unnecessary pressure to myself, especially when I was struggling to win well.

Once the problems were identified, it was easier to look for solutions.

I found ways to take the pressure off myself

First, I allocated money to a vacation budget and decided to take on a few more freelance projects to ensure that sticking to that budget wouldn’t strain me financially. I also installed a savings app which automatically transferred a fixed amount from my bank account daily. I could withdraw these savings if I exceeded my predetermined budget.

I noticed that the idea of ​​unexpected vacation expenses like last-minute gifts freaked me out. I started looking for gifts a month in advance so I had time to choose things that fit my budget.

Next, I looked at the pressure I always felt to pay for family outings. I realized I didn’t have to pay for everything while struggling to build a career — and, what’s more, no one expected it.

Once I took control of my vacation budget, I started to feel more confident. I also realized that I couldn’t always have it all together as an older brother. I’ve had to accept the fact that I can’t pay for everything this year. I can foot the bill for some dinners with my family and cousins, but not all.

Letting someone else pay might challenge how I viewed myself in my role as an older sister, but maintaining that perception for myself just isn’t worth it. I have decided to be open to others contributing or offering to pay. I’m trying to make peace with that.

I also reassure myself that my budget is limited just for this vacation and that there are many more lavish vacations to come.