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    • Dear Abby: My boyfriend keeps bailing out his struggling son, sometimes with my money
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    Dear Abby: My boyfriend keeps bailing out his struggling son, sometimes with my money

    Pabio Posted on

    DEAR ABBY: I’ve been living with someone for four years. When we started living together, his son “Byron” was incarcerated. Byron is 33 years old and has been struggling since he was 15. His father continues to save him. I used two of my credit cards to help raise the $11,000 bond needed to get him out of jail. In return, Byron agreed to put a new roof on us and help us around the house.

    Byron has not completed any of the tasks asked of him and his father continues to help him anyway. We had to pay Byron’s rent at the rehab so he wouldn’t get evicted. This has created a wedge between me and my boyfriend, who thinks I’m selfish and greedy.

    Am I wrong for no longer wanting to help financially? We got along great until this happened. — SPEND TIME IN ALABAMA TOO

    DEAR TIME TO DO: Byron is the person he is because his father has made it possible for him since he was a child. You are not being selfish or greedy by refusing to give more money. Forgive me if this sounds harsh, but unless you want to continue to be emotionally blackmailed by your boyfriend, get out now before you’re financially exhausted.

    DEAR ABBY: I have no problem driving at night, but I’d rather stay home than go out. To be honest, I don’t like going out after 4 or 5 p.m. Yes, I miss a lot of social activities, but it doesn’t bother me.

    The problem is friends and acquaintances who, when they find out that I don’t go out at night, immediately offer to pick me up because they are nice and friendly. Even though I explain several times that it’s not driving, it’s that I prefer not to go out at night, it falls on deaf ears.

    I know I’m lucky to have lovely friends who volunteer to drive me, but I’m tired of explaining myself. Because I don’t want to insult anyone, can you suggest a polite way to refuse these people? Nothing I’ve said so far has worked, including saying, “That’s not the drive.” I don’t go out at night. — HOMELAND IN FLORIDA

    DEAR CASANIERE: Perhaps you should phrase your message a little more emphatically by saying, “I don’t think you UNDERSTAND. It’s not the driving, it’s that I’m not comfortable going out after dark. PLEASE don’t ask me again because my answer won’t change.

    DEAR ABBY: My wife’s family has a history of breast cancer. She underwent several MRIs and biopsies, which caused her a lot of discomfort and stress. She will now have a lumpectomy. I’m starting to think it might be better to take her breasts off. I didn’t marry her breasts; I married the woman behind them. What do you think? — PROACTIVE IN CONNECTICUT

    DEAR PROACTIVE: I’m sure you love her, but I think you should support your wife emotionally and let this decision be decided between her and her doctors.

    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

    Pabio
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