Dear Eric: I eat at a local restaurant a few times a week and tend to have one of three meals. This waitress asks me what I want to eat, then interrupts me to guess or tell me my choice. I simply bow my head and nod yes or no to the guesses. It’s frustrating, but not life-threatening.

She likes it. I hate it.

However, if I were to say something, it would force her to make a choice to be herself, do something she enjoys doing, or appease me so I can command however I want. I don’t know if this is a big enough problem to have a “high road”. The answer will not change my life. She can easily change and I can easily suffer. The question is who can be themselves?

– Speak up

Dear Speaking: I have worked in the service industry for over a decade. I loved it. I loved seeing regulars, meeting new people, and carrying lots of drinks at once. The whole thing. I also liked knowing what people wanted, but I would always do it ask And confirm. It’s part of the job. Maybe she thinks you’re a regular who likes to be known that way. So telling her that’s not the case won’t stop her from being herself. This will help him do his job better.

You may not have the kind of temperament that easily or comfortably corrects the course of social situations. It’s very good. But know that you won’t make him suffer by saying something like, “I’ve already decided on my meal.” Today, let’s take the guesswork out of it and I’ll just tell you. This will also allow you to talk about other things if you wish. Ideally, it’s a conversation you’ll both enjoy.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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