DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a sit-down meal, which is more correct: clearing the plates when each guest finishes a dish, or waiting until everyone has finished eating before clearing the table?

The first option seems to send a pointed “hurry up” message to the last person to finish; the latter can leave faster eaters staring for hours at their own dirty plates. Advice, please!

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners’ best advice is to invite guests who are conversation starters, so they don’t find themselves staring at their empty plates when they’ve finished eating. Classes are properly ended when everyone has finished.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I bring a food that I prepared and it turns out that someone else brought a similar food, is it rude for the host to say, “ You shouldn’t have brought that. I already have one?

Or if I bring something and when I leave the host says, “Bring this home; no one will eat it”?

GENTLE READER: Wow, you have a mean crowd. You cook for them and they insult you for your efforts.

The first problem would be solved if your group appointed an organizer to assign contributions. The second could be resolved with a modicum of tact: “Sorry, we didn’t get there and I don’t have room for that.” »

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, [email protected]; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)