LEWISTON, Maine — Ben Dyer shot five times A man with a gun during the deadliest mass shooting in Maine killed 18 people at the bowling alley and bar.

A year later, Dyer and his fiancée, Keela Smith, want to turn the worst day of their lives into the best.

As Lewiston prepares to mark scary first anniversary Friday, Dyer and Smith are looking forward to the second one. Dyer proposed to Smith this spring; he was bolstered by a new outlook on life and determined not to hold back. They chose October 25 as next year’s wedding date, the same day as the shoot. They want to take back the day.

“So we can always make sure it’s a good reminder for us. Something that we don’t fear every year and that doesn’t break our hearts every year,” Smith said. “Because it’s going to be, ‘Oh, this is our wedding day.’ So we took back that day and made it our own.’”

The couple, both 48, are among dozens of people directly affected by the shooting. I’m trying to find ways to overcome physical and emotional trauma. For many, the anniversary brings back unwanted memories.

“I have nightmares every day,” said 39-year-old Megan Vozzella, whose husband Steve Vozzella was killed in the Schemengees Bar. & Grill. “I will always have nightmares. “As it gets closer, I can’t sleep well.”

Megan says her husband managed to crawl out before he died. Thinking about him in pain and trying to hold on gives him nightmares.

Vozzella, who is hearing impaired, speaks through a sign language translator. Her husband was one of four deaf people killed while playing corn hole at the bar. Megan went to the same school as all three of them and they all knew each other well.

Megan and Steve were two weeks away from celebrating their first wedding anniversary when Steve was killed. They met in 2009 and met on a camping trip; It was something they loved to do together. They have a 13-year-old daughter named Bella. That night, Megan lost both her husband and a large part of her community.

“We thought we would have a future where we would raise the family and grow old together. And they’re all gone,” he said. “The world’s turned upside down.”

Lewiston is planning an anniversary ceremony Friday to honor victims, survivors, first responders and others affected by the tragedy. The night will include music, speeches and a two-minute silence.

The shootings began just before 7 p.m. at the bowling alley Just-In-Time Recreation. Armed with a semi-automatic rifle equipped with binoculars and a laser, Army reserve officer Robert Card He killed eight people in 45 seconds. He then drove 4 miles to the bar, where he killed 10 more people. He later killed himself.

“We were just a bunch of people hanging out, doing something we loved,” recalls Dyer, who played corn hole at the bar. “Eating snacks and groceries, having a few drinks and throwing the bags. And then all hell broke loose.”

Dyer was lying on the ground after being shot, trying to stop the blood flowing from his right arm. When he looked up, he saw Card looking at him. As the gunman took aim, Dyer raised his arms and ducked his head, saving him from a fatal shot. He closed his eyes and tried not to breathe.

Dyer lost a finger and the use of his right arm. These days, she buys clothes that are one size larger so that she can wear them more easily with one hand. He’s still trying to figure out how to cook and toss bags of cornhole with his left hand. It comes to his mind every time he looks at his scars in the shower or tries to button up his shirt.

“I still live that day,” he said. “But I’m alive.”

A commission of inquiry found that in the months before the shooting, both the Army and police failed to seize Card’s guns, despite knowing he was mentally ill and making ominous threats. Approximately 100 survivors and relatives of the victims are now I am taking steps to file a lawsuit. Army.

Maine since the conflict Strengthened ‘yellow flag’ law and made other changes to gun laws. But it did not ban assault weapons, as some advocates wanted.

US surgeon general declared gun violence a crime in June public health crisis. Dr. Vivek Murthy said Americans want to be able to go to school, the supermarket or their place of worship without worrying about being killed. He called for a ban on assault weapons and large-capacity magazines for civilian use.

Dyer, who likes to hunt like many people in rural Maine, said his experience hasn’t changed his views on guns.

“Your car could be a lethal weapon if you wanted to, if you drove it into a parade and mowed people down,” he said. “So my perspective on guns is no different. I still have them and I still buy them.

As Dyer spoke on the deck of his Auburn home, gunshots could be heard in the woods beyond. Dyer said the volleys didn’t bother him because they were so far away. In fact, he said he was excited to learn how to hunt again, this time using only his left arm.

Like Dyer, Vozzella doesn’t see guns as the problem, instead blaming failures in the mental health system. He remains angry at the police and military for not confiscating Card’s weapons before the massacre.

“They missed a lot of opportunities,” he said.

Vozzella’s daughter is afraid to go to school, worried that a hitman will show up. Vozzella said it’s been a tough year for both of them, but they’ve found some solace by going on camping trips and spending time with family and friends.

Vozzella shows off the arm tattoo he got right after the shooting; a heart with angel wings and “In Loving Memory, Stephen M Vozzella.”

“It’s never been easier,” he said. “It’s not going to be easy to go on for the rest of my life. But every day I slowly move on and find my new normal.”

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Associated Press journalists Rodrique Ngowi, Robert F. Bukaty, Patrick Whittle, David Sharp and Holly Ramer contributed to this report.