CLEVELAND, oh… Reader question: Roles during marriage: include all brothers and sisters or not?

My daughter is planning a big wedding to take place next year. She is planning a big wedding as well as children who will have different roles. What worries me is that she decided to have two of her cousins’ boys at the wedding but not their younger sister.

I don’t want resentment within the family because it excludes the sister. One of the boys is her godson, so I understand that she wants him to play a role, but since she decided to include her brother as well, I think it’s only fair that she finds something to do for his sister as well.

We clash over this. My daughter doesn’t think she needs to include her sister and that it’s okay that only boys have a role in the wedding, they hand out programs. I don’t agree. I feel like she can find something for the sister to do to make her feel included and not excluded.

Her cousin (the children’s mother) did not say anything directly to my daughter, but she made comments to other family members that her daughter was not included.

Since I’ve said my peace, do I let it go and deal with the family chatter or do I continue to try to persuade my daughter to come up with something to include the sibling?

Answer: Weddings are very stressful. If your daughter is planning a big bridal shower and a big guest list, I’m sure she’s even more stressed. That’s a lot of people trying to please and accommodate.

While I understand your feeling of not wanting anyone to feel left out, at the end of the day, it’s your daughter’s wedding and her calling. If you have already expressed your feelings to your daughter and why while you feel what you feel, that’s all you can do.

If the cousin has a problem, she should talk to your daughter about it, not the rest of the family. She has the choice to say that she doesn’t want boys to be a part of it. Or explain to your daughter that her feelings are hurt because she was left out. Maybe they can find something for him to do.

Just try to support and respect your daughter’s decision. It’s her day and if she’s okay with her choices, then you need to sit down and accept it too.

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Do you have an etiquette question or issue you would like advice on? Email me “Ask Yadi” at [email protected]