DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my ex-husband, “Paul”, for 20 years. I never remarried. The divorce was largely my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. He immediately began dating and remarried 18 months later. We have remained friends as we have four children and now grandchildren. I also get along with his wife.

During the pandemic, I moved across the country with an adult child. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour apart. As it worked out, three of our four children also moved to be near us.

Over the last two years, I realized that I missed Paul and had hope that we could be together again. (He doesn’t know that.) I have never disrespected his marriage or his current wife in any way.

They have a unique relationship as they often spend time apart and travel to see their families without each other. I think they also occasionally take vacations separately. I know that’s not necessarily a measure of their love or commitment, but my gut tells me that this isn’t the marriage they want people to believe.

My gut also tells me that maybe he feels the same way I do. I often think he wishes he had done more to help save our marriage. Should I tell him how I feel? I’m happy in my life, but I don’t want to regret not speaking out if there’s a chance we can come together and be the family God intended us to be. Any advice? — REGRETIVES IN ALABAMA

DEAR REGRET: My God, you are definitely having a self-serving conversation with the God you should have talked to before you committed adultery and blew up your marriage. Although it may seem unusual to you, many couples visit family separately and some even take a short vacation if their spouse is not interested.

Do yourself a favor and look for romance elsewhere. Your ex and his wife might greatly appreciate it if you did. Please think about it before you embarrass yourself.