Will a beep of punishment or a beep of judgment change two decades of parasitic herd mentality? There is always hope. But I have more pressing questions for American Airlines: Why didn’t you start shaming these offenders years ago? Why are you testing the technology only in three airports? Will it include flashing emergency lights? Can you please build a prison at the airport to punish those who cut the queue?

American has received a lot of press and praise for testing its anti-door lice technology, but what hasn’t been mentioned is that the airline is also responsible for triggering the phenomenon. Nor has anyone pointed out that the US plan does not address the root causes of door lice.

In 2008, American was the first major U.S. airline to charge for checked bags. It started at $15 per bag, with additional fees for bags over 50 pounds. Other airlines quickly followed. In hindsight, $15 for a checked bag is a steal. American now charges $35 per bag if you book in advance online and $40 at the airport. JetBlue charges upwards of $50 per bag, depending on when you fly and how far in advance you book.

According to a report released this week by CarTrawler And Work ideas companyChecked baggage fees and other non-ticket fees, such as seat selection, food and priority boarding, will earn airlines $148.4 billion worldwide in 2024. The new U.S. fees have created a huge source of revenue for airlines.

Cue the menacing music and get in on the lice.

When checked baggage fees arrived at the airport, so did door lice. Some lice crowd the gate because they can’t wait to be the first to board, but the other 99% of people who crowd the gate and cut the line are trying to avoid checked bag fees . They want to get on the plane before the overhead bins are full and the dreaded “We need people to check their carry-on bags” announcements begin.

It snowballs quickly. Once a few lice start to accumulate, others may sense the anxiety and join them, and soon you have a full infestation. American Airlines created the problem and now thinks it can solve it. But an idea as simple as a beep to dissuade people from cutting the line has several flaws. If someone is brazen enough to cut, a warning sound won’t stop them. These mockers believe that basic social rules do not apply to them. They need a punishment worthy of the crime. Get them on board After everyone is on the plane. Sit them near the toilet. Start building a prison at the airport to detain line skippers, people who talk on their speakerphones, and passengers who don’t use headphones to watch videos.

Several domestic and international airlines have been using American “new technology” (quotes added to indicate sarcasm) for years. Boarding agents scan the pass, look to see if the passenger is trying to board early, then tell them to move aside if they are avoiding the line. The process hasn’t stopped the bad apples from trying to go ahead and pack their carry-on bags (probably bigger than they should be) into the overhead at whatever cost they can.

Perhaps the biggest flaw in the American plan is that it only targets line cutters. Most door lice do not cut lines. They’re just honest people trying to save money by flocking to the door like a flock of distressed sheep carrying neck pillows. Passengers and their carry-on bags will continue to clutter the boarding area and slow down the process. If I had a nickel for every time I asked a louse if it was waiting in line (the answer is always “no”) because it was blocking access when my group was called, I would have enough pocket money to buy a bottle of homework. -free perfume and maybe an overpriced Diet Coke from Hudson News.

Luckily, I have some suggestions for American Airlines on how to solve the lice problem at the boarding gate once and for all.

The most logical solution would be to eliminate checked baggage fees. Since I know the probability of this happening is the same as “The Garfield Movie” If I win the Oscar for Best Picture, I’ll throw in a few more.

I have repeatedly suggested that airlines should make checked bags free and charge for carry-on bags. This way there would be less carry-on baggage slowing down boarding and less lice at the gate. Boarding anxiety would be eliminated as overhead compartment space would be plentiful.

So far, no airline has contacted me to tell me more.

Changing the way people board a plane would also help. First, allow people who do not have carry-on baggage to board. Next, begin general boarding from the rear of the aircraft to the front. You can also start boarding with passengers seated at the window, then with passengers seated in the middle and those seated in the aisle. It’s common sense.

Or – I have some ideas in store – launch a system where passengers must attach a color-coded tag to their carry-on bag corresponding to their boarding group. Boarding agents will scan carry-on baggage as well as the boarding pass. Inside the aircraft, overhead compartments would be reserved by label color. This way the line cutters would have no advantage.

Finally, airports and airlines must ensure that all passengers can clearly hear boarding announcements or that there are sufficient visual indicators telling people when to board. Some lice flock to the gate because they do not hear the zones announced and do not want to miss their group.

Until one of these things happens, door lice will continue their current behavior. A buzz or beep is not enough. Airlines, please feel free to use my ideas for free. My reward will come later, when I no longer have to squeeze through lice to get on a plane.

Christopher Muther can be contacted at [email protected]. Follow him @Chris_Muther and Instagram @chris_muther.