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DEAR ABBY: My daughter was diagnosed with an illness. Shortly after, she decides to marry a man she met. I don’t like this guy and I’m having a hard time having a relationship with him. They moved to another state and I asked that she not bring him to this house. However, every chance she gets, she brings him over and he acts like it’s his home. Right now I am in consultation to help me find a solution to this problem.

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My daughter is also going through counseling and claims it’s partly because of me. She is going to have surgery soon and I have decided not to stay with them because I would feel like a hypocrite. I decided to stay in a hotel and come to their house just to help him. Am I wrong to handle the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter and I’m sorry our relationship has become so complicated. He is a person who must control everything. Having a conversation with her is out of the question as it leads to shouting matches and a lot of disrespect on her part. I tend to stop and withdraw. What should I do? — CAREFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR CAREFUL: I am happy to know that you are in consultation. Please talk with your counselor about how to be kind to your son-in-law when your daughter takes him when she visits you. (She may have no choice.) For the sake of your sanity, keep these visits short.

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Your idea of ​​staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after surgery makes sense. This will give you some quiet time to recover from the pressure of taking care of her as well as your exposure to her husband. There should be no need to get into an argument; It is important that your daughter’s recovery is as stress-free as possible.

As for its control, perhaps it is time to ask yourself where this tendency may come from.

DEAR ABBY: Someone close to me complains about money but spends money on frivolous things. They have rooms full of decorations, dishes, plants, flowers and lanterns, and have made extensive plantings in their garden, which some say is a waste of money. They buy groceries they don’t eat, then complain about throwing away food.

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An example: They bought Oreos, which they hate, so now the cookies stay in the cupboard. At some point it will become “someone’s” fault, but perhaps not the right person’s. I guess they’re only happy when they’re the only ones buying decorations? — DO NOT MANAGE TO THE EAST

DEAR NOT MANAGING: People buy (and sometimes overbuy) for many reasons, including boredom, depression, and compulsive behavior. If the person you are writing about is spending their own money, I see no reason why you should write to me. However, if it is your money, you may need to budget for the “significant other”.

DEAR READERS: Time flies! Daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. on Sunday for most people. Don’t forget to set your clock back one hour tonight at bedtime. While you’re at it, be sure to put new batteries in your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. — LOVE, ABBY
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— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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