DEAR ERIC: I sing as a volunteer in a church choir. Because I can sight sing, have trained as a musician and sing alto, the music director likes me to come.

For me, singing is “work”, not “fun”, but the music director is very nice and the choir members are very warm and kind people.

What I don’t like is that one of the new members is wearing very strong cologne and I’m allergic to it. If I forget to take an allergy pill before church, I cough the entire service and sing about a quarter of the notes. If I remember the allergy pill, I don’t cough but I can only sing about half the notes because its cologne still affects my breathing badly.

If she (the person wearing the cologne) was a friend, I might walk up to her and say, “Stop wearing perfume, it makes me sick.” » But she’s an acquaintance, and I don’t know her well enough to be that direct. Additionally, she comes from another country and culture and, as an immigrant, deserves our respect and acceptance.

The choir director posted a general email asking people not to use cologne because others are allergic or sensitive. No results. If it were up to me, I would just stop going to church and spend my Sunday mornings watching talking heads on TV, which is my idea of ​​a perfect Sunday morning. But it’s the lazy hedonist’s way out. Do you have any suggestions for a gentle, non-confrontational way to tell him not to wear cologne?

– Sunday sniffles

DEAR SUNDAY: If the sandalwood and bergamot notes in one’s cologne are clogging up your high notes, it’s quite a choir problem. You should therefore relaunch it in the organization. graphic (go up to the octave?).

Tell the music director that, for health and performance reasons, you will not be able to continue volunteering if strong odors are not addressed. The director surely appreciates your presence and should be able to find a harmonious balance here.

Coming from you, a direct request that the other choir member not wear their cologne could land you in interpersonal drama. Whereas the musical director is able to talk to him one-on-one and present this as something the band needs for the success of everyone involved.

If the director can’t or won’t, there’s no need to torture yourself to work. Stay home and enjoy your talking heads.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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