Ask most people how they found out about their long-time partner was “the good one” and they will half-shrug their shoulders. “I don’t know, something just clicked,” they might say, or “at some point in the beginning I knew.”

That’s good for them, but it’s not entirely helpful to you if you’re single and looking for advice.

But even if your friends aren’t specific, there are are some qualities that good partners and good relationships tend to have in common, right from the start. Below, people who work with couples and singles (matchmakers, therapists, psychologists) share eight subtle signs that you’ve found your person.

1. You enjoy being together but encourage your partner to lead a separate life outside of your relationship.

In her work as a matchmaker, Alyssa Park hears a lot of men and women complain about past relationships in which their partners spent too much time with their friends. She tells her clients that they misunderstand things: in a strong relationship – one that goes the distance – time spent apart is not a bug, it’s a characteristic.

“The best couples are those where both partners feel secure enough with each other to support their partner’s passions outside of the relationship,” Park, who works at Matchmaking according to three-day rulestold HuffPost. “Whether you pick up a new hobby or spend time with friends and family, you grow as an individual and bring that sense of self-worth and growth back into your relationship.”

2. They care about your opinions and you care about theirs.

It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about politics, today’s horoscope, or what your weird Uncle Joe said after one too many drinks at Christmas, when you share your thoughts, your SO really wants to hear them. The same is true for you: you are genuinely interested in your partner’s opinion. (Even if you disagree, you enjoy exchanging ideas.)

“A person who asks you and listens to your opinions and feelings – and better yet, remembers what you say and builds on it later – is someone you know you can communicate with,” said Tina Tessinapsychotherapist and co-author of How to be a couple while being free. “You want someone who responds with empathy, sincerity and kindness.”

3. There is an almost instant feeling of familiarity.

Yes, the concept of soulmates and the feeling of an instant connection with someone is a bit cheesy. But people who have met their partner often report feeling a strange feeling of closeness from the start, said Carmen Harrapsychologist and author of The Karma Queens’ Guide to Relationships.

“You immediately feel a sense of familiarity,” she said. “His touch, his smell, his taste, his behavior, his language will be comforting and recognizable to you. You might even feel a strange sense of déjà vu, as if this moment had already happened, perhaps a long time ago, in a different setting.

4. You are comfortable being vulnerable in their presence.

In therapy, Laura Heckmarriage and family therapist in Salt Lake City and co-host of “Marriage Therapy Radio,” has a phrase she likes to use with single and partnered clients. A person worth your time will be gentle with your “lingering vulnerability,” she tells them. Persistent vulnerability, she says, is made up of “sensitive, soft places that we keep hidden from outsiders but can often be the source of great emotional pain when activated.”

You know you’ve found a guardian when you are vulnerable enough to share your hidden hurts and pain and they process that information with care and empathy. Once they know this information, they don’t use it against you; they use their words to rebuild you.

“I think of a client who fell madly in love with her husband because he went above and beyond to point out how intelligent, creative and inventive she was in her daily life,” she said. “He knew she was telling a hurtful old story that she was slow because of years of struggling with dyslexia at school. That’s what it feels like when you’re with someone who respects your continued vulnerability.

5. You agree to be bored in each other’s company.

This one might seem strange, but you know you’ve met the one when you both feel comfortable doing nothing together, Park said.

“It’s easy to feel chemistry in the early stages of a romantic relationship because you’re always doing something exciting or different together,” she said. “The true test of compatibility is whether you’re happy doing simple things together, like shopping or folding laundry.”

6. You fight fair.

The myth of a conflict-free relationship is just that: a total myth. The real sign of a lasting relationship is not the lack of arguments, but knowing how to resolve these inevitable conflicts.

“Relationships won’t always be in the honeymoon phase,” Park said. “The difference between a failed relationship and your forever relationship is how you handle conflict together: the minute you start blaming each other, you stop functioning as a team. On the other hand, discussing different perspectives in an open and healthy way can bring you closer together.

7. They’re affectionate – and not just because they’re looking for sex.

Affection – sweet compliments out of nowhere or little pats on the butt when no one is looking – is the special sauce of long-term relationships. Being able to express positive feelings toward each other helps you get through tough times, recover from arguments and reassure each other that your love is still strong, Tessina said. Your significant other should feel comfortable being affectionate towards you – and not just because they’re looking for sex.

“While sex is important and you both deserve to have your sexual needs met, a person who pouts if affection doesn’t lead to sex is emotionally immature,” Tessina said. “A good partner also doesn’t hesitate to touch you, say affectionate things to you, or be close to you in non-sexual situations.”

8. You would describe your relationship as “easy.”

We often hear long-term couples say that a relationship is “hard work.” While there is absolutely truth to this, it shouldn’t be backbreaking, I don’t know if I can do any more hard work. With the right partner, there are rough patches here and there, but overall your relationship is relatively easy.

“When couples describe their romantic relationship as ‘easy,’ I know they’ve found their match,” Heck said. “Toxic relationships can be exciting, all-consuming, alluring and difficult to stop. But it’s a friendship that quietly blossoms into deep, meaningful love that is the goal.

In other words, don’t throw away a relationship because it’s not full of drama; embrace it because it’s more or less drama-free.

“Easy relationships can be abandoned before you get the chance, because there doesn’t seem to be any ‘heat’…but trust me, the heat is in friendship, not make-up sex” , she said.

This article was originally published on HuffPost.