Ask any love expert what the cornerstone of a relationship is, and you’ll likely hear the same thing: communication. But for many people, communication means talking, when the real keys to a successful relationship are active listening and empathy.

There’s no point in expressing how you feel about something if your partner doesn’t hear it and take it into account. And in this simple statement lies the real reason why so many people are afraid to share their thoughts and feelings: they are vulnerable.

I asked over 500 men what they were thinking but they were afraid to share it with their loved ones. As the discussions continued, their responses became real, raw and had surprising similarities.

Here, eight men reveal the criticism that drives them crazy about their wives:

1. She talks to the friend who annoys her the most

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He hears your frustration when you come home from work, the gym, or lunch with your friends. What he doesn’t understand is why you’re talking to this woman who makes you furious.

You know, your enemy. In his world, one of his friends who becomes an asshole is no longer a friend. The truth is, the fact that she’s creating havoc and drama for you — and feeling the stress when it spills over into your relationship with him — bothers him.

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2. She questions everything he does

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When a woman constantly questions a man, it makes him feel like he’s making bad choices or doesn’t know what he’s doing. While there may be times when she needs real insight into things (household finances, for example), constant questions about the little things in life can come across as distrust or nitpicking. .

Often, nitpicking or choking is a symptom of something deeper: trust issues, insecurity, and/or a lack of time/attention. It is better to identify and address the real problem.

3. She becomes too comfortable in the relationship

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When relationships go beyond the honeymoon period, things can get comfortable. The result is that both parties may stop putting in the effort they had at the beginning of their relationship.

And while both parties should do their best to keep the passion alive, the men were clear that they missed the women they met early on. He wants to continue wanting you, so show him why he should. And if he falls to keep the spark alive, tell him you want the same thing.

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4. She doesn’t fight back

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Strong men want strong women. Only weak men need a weak woman to subdue and control them. Conclusion: Do you want a man to be interested in you? Make him work for your affections. Do you want him to respect you? Expect this. Demand it.

Be his equal and don’t let him crush you. Do you want him to love you for the long term? love and respect yourselfand he will have no choice but to follow your example.

According to 2002 studiesrespect in a relationship is correlated with a partner’s level of commitment to the relationship.

5. She uses his past against him

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The very weak don’t know how to forgive – they hate you and/or get rid of you. The very strong forgive, but they never forget and they never let you forget.

Some behaviors may be unforgivable and decisive, but if you want to forgive him for something he has done, you must find a place between the strong and the weak. Forgiveness is not the same as acceptance.

Accepting how someone hurt you doesn’t work because it means you’re okay with what they did. But you can forgive and move forward, and do so without hatred or resentment. To begin the forgiveness process, you simply need to realize that what they did was not about you, but rather about them, their choices and/or their failings.

6. She demands honesty from him, then gets angry when he tells the truth

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If you want him to be honest, give him space to share his true thoughts. If you’re asking for honesty (not insults, just his honest description of something), criticizing him will only create distance.

Critical, research from the Gottman Institute statesis a relationship killer. He will interpret this response as being dangerous to share what he thinks, and he will stop sharing for fear of judgment and criticism.

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7. She has no confidence in him

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He wants to be strong – with you and for you. It’s part of his DNA not to show fear. even in the face of adversitybecause he wants to carry the weight of the problem he is facing and solve it.

What he needs is to know that through it all, you trust him and can solve problems together. It might take some getting used to, but the burden of everyday life’s challenges is something many men want to share.

8. She doesn’t tell him you’re proud of him

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Recognition is very important to everyone, and they want to know that they are doing their job – at home, in their individual lives and within themselves. He wants to know you’re paying attention what he does and, quite simply, that it matters to you.

Often he may do something routine for both of you that loses all meaning. But he still wants it to be recognized! Taking some time to tell him you’re proud of him, that’s all he wants.

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Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert best known as the author of the popular relationship book series, The problem with women…is men.