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Trump’s election pushes women to give up sex: inside the 4B movement

Pabio November 9, 2024

Ashli Pollard it’s done dating men. And with the election of Donald Trumpmore and more women say they’re done too.

The 36-year-old entrepreneur says she was part of the 4B movement for two years. Born out of a protest against misogyny and sexism in South Korea, the movement imposes four demands on the women who participate: No. dating men, no get married men, no sex with men and not childbirth.

Following the results of the 2024 presidential election − during which abortion has become a sticking point for many voters − some women are encouraging each other online to bring the movement to the United States. The goal, advocates say, is to protest Trump and Republicans, who tend to favor more restrictions on abortion than Democrats.

Pollard did not join the 4B movement for political reasons. She says she’s simply happier single than dating a man. However, she said, the movement is now gaining traction among liberal women who are fed up with people supporting policies they say put their rights at risk.

“A lot of women don’t feel taken care of by the government in their homes in different ways. We see Brock Turner getting let go. We see Brett Kavanaugh walking. We see Trump becoming president,” Pollard says. “And there comes a point where women going through life start to notice all these experiences, notice all these cultural moments and feel completely neglected.”

The 4B movement is controversial for many reasons. For starters, political issues – even those steeped in gender politics like abortion – are not clearly divided along gender lines. Many women oppose abortion and many men support it. Many women voted for Trump and many men for Kamala Harris. Plus, according to mental health and relationship experts, taking out your political frustrations on the person you’re dating isn’t a good idea. After all, what if your partner shares your values and feels just as upset about the state of politics as you do?

For Pollard and other women, however, the 4B movement is about something larger.

“Someone in my comments had a really good analogy when she said, ‘If you had a bowl of Skittles, and you were told that one of those Skittles was toxic, would you dissect it and study- you and would you take hours and hours to figure out which one of these Skittles?’ the Skittles were going to do it? No. You would empty the bowl, you would walk away,” says Pollard. “That’s what we’re seeing with the 4B movement.”

What is the 4B movement? The phenomenon is growing after the election of Trump

The “4B” movement takes its name from four Korean words that all begin with the letter “b”: bihon (heterosexual marriage), bichulsan (childbirth), biyeonae (dating), and bisekseu (sex). You join the movement by leaving the four with the men.

Online, 4B has attracted interest from women unhappy with the results of the presidential election. “We can’t let these men have the last word…we have to fight back,” one said. User X wrote in a post with 470,000 likes. “If they want to take your body, don’t let them have it.” wrote another. “Don’t give in until they start listening. Then they will start panicking,” another added.

A User noted that the movement is not just about women avoiding men, but also about supporting each other: “Look for relationships with women, women-owned businesses, media created by women, etc.” ; surround yourself with women and our culture. »

Pollard, who makes videos on TikTok explaining why she doesn’t date men, says she’s seen an increase in content about the 4B movement on the app since the election.

“I saw four videos in a row of young women saying we need to start the 4B movement here,” she says. “4B starts today. We must do it immediately. Men don’t take care of us; we don’t take care of them.”

Still, mental health and relationship experts are skeptical of the 4B movement in response to Trump’s election. While every American has the right to nonviolently protest the election as they see fit, they argue that giving up on dating and relationships as a whole is largely misguided.

Amy Chandating coach and author of “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart,” says a positive aspect of the 4B talk is that it could encourage women to prioritize self-development, personal growth and discernment the values that matter most to them. a partner.

Aside from that, she says encouraging people to give up relationships as a form of political protest is likely counterproductive.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to cut yourself off from romantic relationships or intimacy to punish men or the administration – it ends up punishing yourself,” she says. “It also fuels the rhetoric that just because some men are harmful or anti-feminist, all men must be. We will not create a better world by viewing men as villains or enemies.”

What does the 4B movement portend for the dating world after the election?

Whether or not the 4B movement will have a major impact on American dating culture remains to be seen. Still, the discourse launched online could signal new dating trends for the next four years.

Psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis says the contentious election has likely motivated singles to think more deeply about the values they want to share with a partner — and the deal breakers they won’t tolerate.

“It’s important that your values align,” she says. “When there are fundamental differences on this, it’s really difficult to bridge that gap.”

Chan says the 4B movement might also motivate people to stand up for themselves and what they want in a relationship.

“Maybe joining the 4B movement might not be the answer,” she says. “But for those who want long-term committed relationships, adopt a stance that does not tolerate ambiguity situations and hookup culture can be healthy. We may see a shift away from casual relationships toward more intentional dating practices that prioritize emotional connection and compatibility. »

Pollard says she received a lot of backlash following her 4B TikToks, but also support. Some of the support, she said, came from men who sent her private messages telling her they needed to do a better job of advocating for women to their friends.

Her goal in sharing her videos, she says, is not to insist that every woman must forgo sex, dating and marriage with men. Rather, she says, she wants women to know they have options — and if they think they’d be happier alone, that’s okay.

“I was dating, and all these men were sort of reflecting what my friends, my married friends, tell me are bad marriages. I have friends who talk to me about having to cook and clean for their husband, that they have to tiptoe around their emotions, that they can’t tell them who they voted for,” she said.

Choosing not to date, she says, is her choice, and it’s a choice that other women, regardless of how they vote, are free to make as well.

“Marriage is not what I am made for as a woman,” she says. “I’m made for so many beautiful things. There are so many other deep relationships I can have.”

Contributor: Callie Carmichael, USA TODAY