Dear Annie: I am a nurse who was to become a full-time caregiver for my mother, who is 90 years old. I have brothers and sisters; however, when I ask for their help, there is always an excuse. I haven’t taken a vacation in several years.
A friend of mine, also a nurse, offered to take care of my mother so I could have a long weekend off. I was very grateful for his generous offer. Mom is very comfortable with this friend, so I planned to go on a well-deserved vacation. I checked in while I was away and everything was going well.
When I returned, my mother told me that my friend had deep cleaned several rooms in our house. I’m not a bad housekeeper, but my priority is taking care of my mother, so I clean as best I can. She also brought extra groceries even though I told her I had shopped before she arrived. I didn’t ask her to clean or bring groceries, and I’m embarrassed by what she did.
Mom told me that when she saw what my friend was doing, she told her I would be embarrassed. My friend ignored mom’s advice and continued cleaning.
I told my friend that I appreciated her giving me a break, but I wish she would have asked me first before cleaning up and bringing us extra food, which wasn’t not necessary. She said she liked to stay busy and I could see she didn’t recognize my discomfort. I’m torn between being grateful to have had a few days off and now finding out that I don’t want to have this friend over. Am I ungrateful? How to move forward? — Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed: Your friend probably viewed the extra chores as just part of the care she provided. Rather than interpreting it as a reflection on your ability to keep things tidy, reframe the experience as that of a friend wanting to go the extra mile after seeing how hard you worked for your mother.
Compulsive cleaners are often motivated by the need to control their situation. This is not personal to you. Whether or not you accept his help in the future is up to you.

Dear Annie: I read your column about a 16-year-old girl, “Love Wins,” who asked you if she was okay with getting secretly engaged to her boyfriend, both of whom were still in high school. I agree with your assessment that if something this important has to be kept secret, something is wrong.
I wanted to add that the practice of a promise ring has been a forgotten tradition for only a few generations. A boy her boyfriend’s age would give his high school sweetheart a cheap ring, then they would wait a few years before getting engaged.
This act gives the couple a chance to enter the real world together and see what it’s like to be an adult couple – with jobs, college, hobbies and goals that don’t always align -. This would also be something that would be shared publicly. Maybe “Love Wins” should go this route? – Married young, two decades later
Dear newlywed: Thank you for your letter. A handful of other readers wrote in with the same gentle suggestion. I agree that the intention behind a promise ring would capture the love these two feel for each other, but without having to hide it or rush into a lifelong commitment until until they’re older and fully ready to do it – the perfect next step.

Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

COPYRIGHT 2023 CREATORS.COM