Dear Eric: We have a couple with whom we meet periodically for dinner. The definition of time and place is discrete; I usually let them choose. The problem is that whenever we show up at the agreed time (never late), they have usually already ordered starters which they have mostly eaten and have usually ordered their main course.

We always feel strange having to take the time to browse the menu and order. Once would be weird, but it’s almost every time. I don’t know what to say. It’s embarrassing. Why do they invite us if they want to eat without us? Unless you arrive an hour earlier than the stated time, any suggestions?

– Meal madness

Dear Meal: What a fascinating habit this couple has. I would even go so far as to call it rude. It’s one thing to arrive early and order a soda or cocktail while you wait, maybe an appetizer to share. But they started the whole meal. I would be perplexed too.

It’s best to face embarrassment head on. Next time you make plans, tell them you’ve noticed that they tend to arrive much earlier and start eating. Ask if there’s a reason for this and tell them you’d really like to spend the whole meal together. It seems unlikely that they are unaware of this habit; maybe there’s a good reason. But talking about it – “dinner is at 6 p.m.; what time will you be there? – you give them the opportunity to explain themselves and adapt. If they don’t either, maybe it’s best to just meet them for dessert.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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