The question “Who am I?” » is an integral part of the human journey. Whether we consciously explore this question or not, it always accompanies us in our lives.

The answer to the question “Who am I?” » is not a identify that we are given at birth. Who we are is informed by our life experiences and our responses to those experiences.

Our identity can seem static, defined and given. In truth, it is fluid and open to change. When we consciously explore the question “Who am I?” » this allows us to discover our current identity.

The answer to the question “Who am I?” » will be unique for each of us. For example, a person believes that the world is dangerous. An important aspect of their identity is being distrusted and watched. Another person thinks the world is supportive. An important aspect of their identity is being confident and open. These are two different answers to the question “Who am I?” »

Four influences

There are four influences that shape our personal identity. The influences are universal, cultural, family of origin and personal experiences.

The first influence is universal. We all experience it. The reality of being human is that we are born, live a certain number of years, and then die. No one can escape it. How each of us responds to this reality is part of our answer to the question “Who am I?” » A person may respond by thinking, “I’m going to make the most of every moment.” I’m going to enjoy my life. Another person may respond by thinking, “It’s all going to end anyway, so why bother?” I’m just going to go with the motions of life.

The second influence is cultural. These are the influences of a specific culture that impact everyone in that culture on some level. Two common messages in American culture are: “you are not enough” and “you are not lovable.” How one responds to these two messages determines one’s identity.

The third influence is the family of origin. This includes our parents, primary caregivers, siblings, friends, and mentors. For example, do you live in a supportive environment or do you have to live alone? Which of these two experiences influences the way you answer the question “Who am I?” »

The fourth influence concerns personal life events: what types of experiences have you had in your life? For example, have you been involved in a car accident? How does this inform your identity? Do you consider yourself a victim? Or do you consider yourself resilient? For example, did you win the lottery? Are you grateful and eager to share your winnings with your loved ones? Or do you feel overwhelmed and stressed with how to manage money?

For all of us, there are aspects of our identity that serve us well and we wouldn’t want to change them. For all of us, there are aspects of our identity that may have served us at one time but no longer serve us. It is important to distinguish between these two aspects of our identity.

Your current identity keeps you safe because at least you know who you are. The identity you know may seem safer than risking a new identity, which may be full of uncertainty. It takes courage to risk changing aspects of who you are that no longer serve you.

Change your identity

Changing your identity is not an easy task. For this change to happen profoundly, it must be more than just a glimpse. It must be an emotional and bodily experience. This process is difficult. It’s often a struggle between not wanting to change your current identity because that’s what you know and the desire to evolve into a new, more liberating and expansive identity.

Changing our identity is not an all-or-nothing proposition. You may adopt the new identity, then lose sight of it and return to your past identity. However, being aware that this is happening, you can then start to embrace your new identity again.

In my own life, one of my original answers to the question “Who am I?” » was: “I am a person who achieves things”. I based my feeling on self-esteem on my next achievement. Although this identity protected me, it at the same time hindered my experience of a more enriching and fulfilling life, because I too often became anxious or depressed if I did not achieve this.

In mine therapyexploring “Who am I?” ”, I realized the price I was paying for being so attached to the identity of being as good as my next success. I realized that whether I have achieved something new or not, I am someone who has value beyond my accomplishments. By changing my identity, I experience a feeling of satisfaction more than a feeling of anxiety And depression.

If you feel like parts of your identity no longer serve you, I suggest exploring what you experience as your current identity. Be aware of the aspects of your identity that enhance your life as well as the aspects of your identity that inhibit your life. Be aware of how you respond to universal influences, cultural influences, family of origin influences, and life experiences. Discover how the four influences, and your response to them, informed your answer to the question “Who am I?” »

Ask yourself what aspects of your identity serve you and what aspects no longer serve you. Be kind and compassionate to yourself when asking these questions. Remember that all aspects of your identity have kept you safe in one way or another. This process of changing the identity that no longer serves you and transitioning to a new, more fulfilling identity takes time and repetition. It takes a opening to new understandings and discoveries. Journaling about your consciences, meditating on them, and talking about them with friends and family can be an integral part of the process. You can also call on a therapist to guide you through this process. Working with a therapist has been an important part of my process of changing my identity so that it serves me better.

I commend you for your courage and wish you the best as you examine the question “Who am I?” »