DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I both have little girls: hers is about 6 months old and mine is 3 months old. She gave me a whole bunch of clothes for her little girl – such a high volume of items that some still had the tags on them.

My friend started giving me these clothes before I even had my baby; At first I refused several times because I was sure we would have a boy. She put them down anyway, without asking, and said, “Give them away if you don’t want them.” » She also repeatedly insisted that I let her know when we needed a size up.

I ended up having a daughter, and since I had these clothes, I didn’t buy much for her. But recently my friend told me that her best friend was offended that they didn’t give her these hand-me-downs instead of me. (For reference, her friend is hoping to be pregnant soon, but she’s not yet.) Then she told me to give the clothes to her friend when we were done with them.

I was hoping to keep all the clothes because we are planning on having more children. I also asked for a size up, as my friend had insisted, but received a very different response, as if I was begging for gifts that rightfully belonged to someone else.

This whole situation made me feel very uncomfortable, as if I had no right to the clothes I have dressed my child in since birth.

I have now given all the clothes to this person I don’t know; she was very laconic with me, reinforcing my impression. Honestly, I’m pretty offended and feel like I can’t be friends with the first wife anymore.

I am perfectly capable of buying clothes for my own children, but I have come to depend on the ones she insisted on giving me. Now my daughter’s closet is empty and I missed all the seasonal sales, so I have to order everything at full price.

Is my friend reasonable? Was this a normal request? Am I entitled to clothes that are clearly and freely given to me, at least initially?

GENTLE READER: No, no and no.

That is to say: No, your friend did not behave reasonably by pushing clothes on you, ignoring your polite refusals and then, when you came to rely on them, changing her mind – going so far as to make you feel bad for having accepted. And no, it wasn’t normal to have a lot of questions about what happened to the clothes after you received them.

As for your third question, Miss Manners certainly doesn’t know exactly what clothes you are referring to: she assumes that we are talking about clothes that were promised, but not yet actually in hand. In this case, no: you can’t realistically enforce the promise of a future gift – you can only let the friendship grow cold.

At this point, it seems reasonable.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, [email protected]; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.