Many parents are all too familiar with their children’s angry outbursts, ranging from sibling squabbles to protests over screen time limits.

But some parents may struggle to help their children deal with intense emotions. One in seven people think their child is angrier than their peers of the same age and four in ten say their child has experienced negative consequences angry, a new national poll suggests.

Seven in ten parents even think they sometimes set a bad example when it comes to anger management, according to the University of Michigan Health CS Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health.

“Children often react intensely to minor frustrations because they are still developing their emotional regulation skills. Without guidance on how to express these feelings appropriately, it can lead to disruptive behavior, problems at school and strained relationships,” said the Mott Poll co-director. Sarah Clark, MPH

“Parents play an important role in teaching their children how to process and manage their anger productively. But some parents may need advice themselves on the best strategies to do this.”

The nationally representative report is based on 1,031 responses from parents of children ages 6 to 12 surveyed in August 2024.

Some children express their anger more often

While more than a third of parents believe their child handles anger better, two in five worry that their child’s anger will cause them problems. More parents of boys than girls report that in the past year their child experienced negative consequences when angry, including hurting themselves or others, having problems with friends, or getting into trouble at school.

Fourteen percent of parents also think their child gets angry more often than their same-age peers – and these parents are more likely to think they might be a bad role model. anger managementworry that their child’s anger will cause problems and report that their child experienced negative reactions when angry.

“Children who feel or express strong emotions may feel different from others, and if they are ashamed of their anger, it could make the situation worse,” Clark said. “It’s important for parents to let their children know that getting angry doesn’t make them bad people and that they just need to learn to deal with it.”

But parents don’t always use effective strategies to deal with these challenges, with one in three parents saying they haven’t received advice to help their children learn to manage anger.

And although more than three-fifths of parents say their child’s school has teachers or counselors who help children learn to manage their anger, less than half say the school provides information to parents about this. subject.

Other findings from the report as well as strategies to help children manage anger more effectively:

Help children identify essential calming tools

Parents surveyed endorsed a variety of strategies to help their child deal with anger or frustration.

These strategies include cool-down activities like drawing, counting to 10 or deep breathing, thinking of something happy to stay calm, meditating or being mindful, or distancing yourself from others.

Some children also benefit from a physical outlet to express their anger, such as tearing up paper or squeezing a stress ball – something parents of boys encourage more than parents of girls. Others may simply need an opportunity to express themselves and be heard.

“For many children, effective strategies involve taking some sort of break from momentary frustration, which gives them the opportunity to calm down and regain control,” Clark said. “There is no magic strategy that works for every child, so it is helpful for parents to seek out different sources of information and advice and try different approaches.”

Recognize what is behind the anger

Most parents interviewed recognize their role in preventing outbursts of anger.

To help their child avoid getting angry or frustrated, parents say they often try to make sure they get enough sleep and exercise, help identify and avoid triggers, and avoid work overloads.

Children’s anger also often comes from feelings of fear or disappointment that they don’t have the skills to express calmly.

“Anger is often a secondary emotion or response to underlying feelings,” Clark said. “Understanding this can help adults approach situations with empathy and patience.”

Model calm responses to anger

Most parents interviewed admit that they sometimes set a bad example when it comes to anger management.

By acknowledging their feelings and apologizing, parents can demonstrate effective anger management strategies that their children can use when they get too angry, Clark says.

Adults might consider sharing their self-soothing techniques, such as saying, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”

“Just as it’s natural for children to experience anger, so do adults,” Clark said. “When parents feel they have set a bad example, they have a valuable opportunity to turn the situation into a teachable moment.”

Provide positive reinforcement

Clark recommends being encouraged when parents notice that their children are managing their anger constructively. Specific praise, such as “It’s good that you took deep breaths instead of shouting,” reinforces the use of coping tools.

“Rewarding children for successfully handling a frustrating situation can send a positive message,” she said. “However, punishing a child for becoming angry or frustrated will be ineffective unless parents emphasize the importance of using strategies to manage their frustration.

“Some children have a temperament that makes them more prone to frustration, leading to faster and more intense reactions.”

While it’s important to validate one’s feelings, she says, parents should also set clear limits on aggressive behavior, like hurting others or breaking things.

Take the pulse of children’s anger management at school

Children may face different challenges and frustrations at school than at home, Clark notes.

“At school, children have less control. They are surrounded by their peers, don’t have their own space, are forced to follow someone else’s schedule, and they can’t avoid things that bother them,” Clark said. “It is important that parents understand how their children express emotions in this environment outside of the home.

She recommends parents take advantage of school conferences to ask how their child deals with daily frustrations and inform teachers about strategies that work best at home but could be adapted to the school context.

Seek professional help if necessary

If a child’s anger becomes severe, frequent, or unmanageable, it may be helpful to see a therapist or counselor.

Children dealing with underlying issues, such as anxiety, trauma or learning difficulties, may have more difficulty managing their anger, Clark says. Professional support can provide appropriate strategies and help families manage these behaviors effectively.