By Patrick Sassou ABAH-DAKOU

“I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore,” said an executive a few months ago during emotional intelligence training. She could no longer hold back her tears in front of the other executives.

His emotional reservoir was full of negative emotions and pain and was pouring out while answering my question: “How do you deal with bitterness, anger and frustration as a senior executive?” She no longer minded who could hear her.

“I can’t let go of this bad feeling. I felt humiliated by my doctor’s comment during our management meeting. This has been poisoning my life for some time now and I am starting to lose confidence in myself,” said another high-performing executive.

These sentiments expressed in these two case studies are common in today’s corporate world. Leaders’ inability to properly express their emotions can negatively affect their performance, that of the team, and harm the entire organization.

In this article, we will first define negative emotions and explore how to express our emotions effectively. Finally, we will suggest ways to experience emotional healing.

Definition of negative emotions

According to the Psychologist dictionary, “a negative emotion is generally an unpleasant or unhappy emotion, evoked in individuals to express a negative effect on an event or a person”. These can be anger, emptiness, frustration, inability, helplessness, fear, guilt, loneliness, depression, overwhelm, resentment, failure, sadness, jealousy and shame, to name a few. Many leaders potentially feel these emotions.

Express our emotions effectively

According to Sigmund Freud, “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will later reappear uglier.” Many primary, secondary and tertiary education systems strive to help children as they become adults develop their intelligence quotient, which is the ability to think, solve questions and be analytical. The majority of market leaders have not learned or learned the importance of being an emotionally intelligent leader and how to express their emotions intelligently.

According to Genos International, being emotionally intelligent means: “manufacturing intelligent answers to negative emotions in order to generate positive emotions in oneself and in others by being here, empathetic, authentic, resilient and empowering in our behavior as often as possible. »

Daniel Goleman expresses it as “a person’s ability to manage their feelings in such a way that those feelings are expressed appropriately And effectively.”

For leaders to express their emotions effectively, they must know who they are by understanding and managing their own emotions as well as understanding and managing the emotions of the people they lead. This means developing a strong awareness of self and others, which are part of the skills of emotionally intelligent leaders.

Emotional healing

“The weak cannot forgive because forgiveness belongs to the strong.” Mahatma Ghandi. “

According to Alan Paton, “When a deep wound is inflicted on us, we never get over it until we forgive. » Many years ago, I worked in a bank that was a group and had many subsidiaries. I decided to move to another subsidiary in order to continue my studies and pursue my career in an English environment.

The job level and salary offered by the English affiliated bank were lower than what I had received at the previous subsidiary. I accepted the offer so that I could work in the new environment. When I returned to work, I realized that the cost of living in this country was much higher than I expected. I became bitter against the organization and it began to negatively affect my performance.

I attended a conference where the speaker talked about the dangers of unforgiveness, its negative impact on your career, and the need to be emotionally healed. I chose to forgive the HR manager of this organization and even the organization. Then I shared my decision with a good friend who was a senior colleague, an accountability partner. He advised me to consult the general director of the organization, which I did.

The only question the doctor asked me was: “Do you have with you proof of your rank from your previous job?” I couldn’t believe the result my decision to forgive had produced. The general manager asked the human resources manager to pay the difference in salary for the two and a half years I had been paid less. I experienced the miracle and beauty of forgiveness and letting go of bitterness: an unforgettable experience of personal emotional healing.

Once we decide to forgive, we become free and the chains of bitterness that hold us captive lose their power. We can experience emotional healing, see opportunities, and experience peace.

Below are some questions and affirmations that can help us let go and forgive in order to begin our emotional healing journey:

• In the situation you find yourself in, who is suffering? You or the offender?
• Who was imprisoned by the situation?

Do not let go and forgive not for the sake of others but for yourself as the primary beneficiary.

• What is one thing you could do right now that would make the biggest difference in your life/marriage/work?
• Refuse to be offended and forgive quickly in order to stay emotionally healthy
• Who have you agreed to report to in this area?

“The wounds will heal. They healed before. It is the inner wounds that will take the longest to heal. » – Michelle Magorian (Author of Goodnight, Mr. Tom)

The time it takes for an injury to heal depends on its depth; no wound can be healed in a day. Just like a physical injury, an emotional injury also takes time to heal. The first step is to recognize and identify the source of an injury. Then make the decision to let go for your own good.

Conclusion

In conclusion, organizations must invest in training their leaders to become emotionally intelligent by integrating awareness of self and others, but also in emotional healing, because a wounded leader cannot lead effectively.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it expands the future. » advises Paul Boose.

>>>the writer is Founder and CEO of P&F Coaching International. Genos Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach and Certified Leadership and Executive Coach, ACC (ICF). Board Member of ICF (International Coaching Federation) – Ghana Chapter. Consultant, International Facilitator and Entrepreneur. Patrick has trained 1,000 middle and senior managers from 19 companies in more than 18 countries in Africa and outside Africa in emotional intelligence and leadership. (P&F Coaching International, your partner in developing emotional intelligence) (email protected); (email protected);