Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 14 years. He is 9 years younger than me and when we got married, we each brought three children into our blended family. For the past two years, I have been my mother’s primary caregiver after she had a stroke. Even before that, I spent a lot of my time caring for my elderly parents.

My husband has always had his own hobbies and stays busy with his work. He had always said that he understood and supported me in devoting so much time to my parents, especially since our youngest child is now almost 17 years old. I thought we got along and were on solid ground.

However, recently he said something to me that completely devastated me: he said he never loved me. Hearing those words broke me.

On top of that, I discovered that he was calling another woman several times a day, sitting with her at ball games, and spending time with her in a way that seemed very intimate to him. When I confronted him, he denied that was the reason he wanted a divorce and claimed he had done nothing wrong. He also refuses to work on our marriage and doesn’t even seem interested in discussing it.

I’m tired of the lies and betrayal, but at the same time, I still love him. I don’t know how to reconcile these feelings or what to do next. How can I move forward from this? Do I continue to fight for our marriage, even though he has backed out? Or is it time to let go, even if I don’t feel ready to let go?

I feel so lost and confused. Any advice or ideas would be deeply appreciated. — Lost and Confused

Dear Lost and Confused: This is an incredibly difficult situation and I am so sorry that your husband put you through this. Of course you feel hurt and betrayed. From what you’ve shared, you seem like an amazing daughter and wife, and you absolutely don’t deserve this kind of treatment.

That said, it is clear that your husband has made his choice. If he is not willing to work on the marriage, no matter how painful it is, you may need to grant him the divorce and focus on yourself. Remember that the best way to move forward is to live well.

Take care of yourself – physically, emotionally and mentally. Surround yourself with loving and supportive friends and family, and give yourself time and space to heal. It will hurt now, but in the long run you will likely find peace and happiness outside of a relationship with someone who has been selfish and uncaring.

You are stronger than you think and better days lie ahead.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner? » is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].