Kamara Swamp

I decided to write an article this month that would be helpful to my readers as we approach the holiday season. It’s a busy time of year when we gather with family and friends. It is therefore likely that we will have to face an offense, be around someone we find offensive, or be reminded of an injury or wrong done to us, whether recent or long ago. Whatever your situation, I hope you’ll give me a chance and read this article before you decide to be put off by the title.

It’s easy to hold grudges. Being hurt by someone you love and trust can cause a lot of mental pain, anger, and confusion. If we dwell on what happened to us, anger and hostility can take root. Negative feelings can crowd out positive feelings and cause bitterness and unforgiveness.

Holding grudges and struggling to forgive can have multiple effects in our lives. This can bring anger and bitterness into new relationships. We can be so absorbed in the past that we cannot enjoy the present or the future. We can become depressed, irritable and anxious. This can cause us to isolate ourselves and fail to make valuable connections with others. It can also disconnect us from our spiritual source and our beliefs.

Whether it’s an offense or long-standing resentment caused by a series of events, an unresolved injury can have a significant impact on our physical health. Chronic anger puts you in fight or flight mode. This can cause many changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. These changes can increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions. During times of stress, your body releases cortisol after the fight-or-flight response is triggered to help keep you alert. Cortisol triggers the release of glucose (sugar) from your liver for quick energy.

The production of cortisol helps regulate many bodily functions. However, if your cortisol levels are consistently high or low, it can have a negative impact on your overall health. Too low cortisol levels in the body can cause muscle weakness, abdominal pain, extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, vomiting, depression, diarrhea, joint pain, hypoglycemia, weight loss , areas of dark skin, salt craving, fainting, hypoglycemia. pressure, heart disease and irritability. However, if you have persistently high levels of cortisol, your body may become accustomed to having too much cortisol in your blood, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system.

Many studies have shown that the act of forgiveness can have health benefits. Letting go of hurts and resentments can lead to better health. Maintaining healthy cortisol levels reduces the risk of heart attack; improves cholesterol levels and sleep; and reduces pain, blood pressure and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. It can also lead to healthier relationships, better mental health, and increased self-esteem.

I grew up with the saying “forgive and forget.” However, I have learned over the years as a counselor to trauma survivors that it is impossible for most people to forget the bad things that were done to them, especially if those injuries were caused lasting suffering and consequences in their lives.

I’ve also noticed that some people tend to be more forgiving than others. Ironically, these people tend to be more satisfied with their lives. They struggle less with anxiety, depression, anger and stress. On the other hand, people who hold on to resentment are more likely to suffer from depression, PTSD, and multiple health problems. However, this does not mean that one cannot learn the skills necessary to respond to infractions in a healthier manner. A recent study by the Fetzer Institute indicated that 62% of Americans expressed the need for more forgiveness in their lives. Even though you tend to be the type of person who holds grudges, I believe it is possible for you to learn to forgive more.

Let’s first define what forgiveness is. It’s not just about saying words. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to let go of an offense, along with the hurt, resentment, and anger that accompanies it. It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings triggered by another person’s actions or words, whether that person deserves it or not. By forgiving, we do not agree with what was done to them. By letting go, you reduce the influence of what was done to you and free yourself from the control of the person who hurt you. Additionally, forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you reconcile with the person who hurt you. This helps you focus on yourself and move forward instead of staying stuck, angry, and hurt.

In order to develop a state of forgiveness, we must first consciously commit to change. We must decide who we want to forgive and what needs to happen for the healing process to take place. Acknowledge your emotions and the harm that has been done to you. You need to get out of your head and stop ruminating about what happened. Make the conscious choice to forgive the person who hurt you. Release the controlling power that the person and situation had in your life. Let go of expectations of being justified or excused by the person who offended you. Show empathy and try to see the situation from their point of view. It may even be helpful to join a support group or get help from a counselor to overcome your unforgiveness. It takes practice to develop a forgiving heart or mindset, but the effort is worth it in the end.

In conclusion, you may be reading this and realizing that you are the one who needs forgiveness. Your first step would be to honestly evaluate and acknowledge the wrongs you have committed, as well as the impact they have had on others. Try to refrain from judging yourself too harshly and give yourself grace. If you are truly sorry for something you said or did, consider contacting the person you hurt. Consider expressing your sincere sadness and regret. When you ask for forgiveness, do so without apologizing. Don’t expect the person to accept your apology and forgive you immediately, if at all. You cannot force others to forgive you. It’s a process and it takes time to get there. No matter what happens, commit to treating others (and yourself) with compassion, empathy, and respect.

Hopefully these words of wisdom will help you move forward and enjoy the upcoming holiday season, while giving you a new perspective for the new year. I wish you a very happy and blessed holiday season and look forward to seeing you again next year.

Kamara Marsh is a licensed professional counselor originally from Michigan and an award-winning artist from East Lansing now residing in Alpena, where she combines her gifts of art and healing to reach the world, one person at a time. She can be contacted at [email protected].