Any Latter-day Saint or non-Saint who feels tension, anxiety, or negativity of any kind from anyone or anywhere. dating someone outside of your faith or within this particular faith, lest you fall in love with this suitor and – God forbid – marry this person needs to hear my history.

Actually, it’s not my story, it’s just a story that made all the difference in my life. So, yes, please forgive me, we’re going to get personal here.

Let’s not hang around and just start jumping with strong encouragement from this corner to move forward and say: fall as hard as love could or would push or pull you.

No one here claims to be a doctor of love or a doctor of romance, but in this crazy world, regardless of religious affiliation, this kind of connection between heart, mind and soul is difficult to establish. And if you feel it and know you feel it, act like it.

God is love, the The good book proclaimsand it seems right to believe that if the Almighty grants you some of this rare, deep and tender devotion, then deny it, put it aside, because of what is preached in church or the prejudices that might be presumed on the part of the other. direction is like throwing away a blessed gift.

This does not mean — with divorce rate being what they are – this emotion should be brought into play carelessly or without due consideration. This means that Mormon dating and marriage is not the only path to happiness and happiness in this life.

As for life after this life, there is the doctrine which proclaims that only those “sealed» in a temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will have eternal marriages.

OK, now this is heavy and remarkably exclusive. Who can say what is possible throughout the eternities under God’s jurisdiction if love is present – especially since faithful Latter-day Saints are already doing things. proxy sealings for married couples who died in their temples?

All of this reminds me of my mission as a Latter-day Saint, when I taught a couple in Germany nearly fifty years ago about the prospect of having an eternal family. It was a new concept for them. I asked the woman: “How would you feel if you knew that you could live with your husband forever and ever?” » The 60-year-old woman looked like she had been hit in the forehead with a socket wrench. She glanced at Herr Braun, a scruffy man who was shelling a bratwurst with very hot mustard dripping down the front of his shirt as he sat in his lounge chair, and laughed. No lie, she said LOL. So there you have it.

Yes, there is a fracture

Whatever the doctrine, however understood or misunderstood, I believe that if it causes young people and/or their parents or other family members to stress or panic that these young people date good and honorable young humans of other faiths or of little or no faith. , then something is wrong.

Yeah, I know it’s a thing. As shown in Part two of the Salt Lake Tribune’s look at the religious divide in Utahthere is real tension, real zeal, that can break down relationships between younger – and older – singles. Some Latter-day Saints only want to pursue temple marriages as a part of faith. And some non-Latter-day Saints avoid dating and courting members of the state’s predominant faith for a multitude of reasons. It’s OK. It’s their choice.

In my opinion, people should date and marry someone they are attracted to, someone who broadens their mind and makes their heart leap, someone who possesses the qualities and characteristics they look for in a mate. , the one who can make them smile, the one they feel. I can’t live without it.

But I will say that alongside that, there is a great deal of anxiety caused by the idea that Latter-day Saints should date and marry only Latter-day Saints, and that non-Latter-day Saints should stay away from Latter-day Saints around the world. pursuit of partnership and love.

When one day my lay leaders asked me – they gave me, in the language of the Church, a calling – to work with young single adults (people aged 18 to 35) during their journeys of faith, I noticed in the parishes (congregations) that I had to visit that there were approximately two female faithful for every man. Sometimes this ratio was 3 to 1. With faith emphasizing marriage, I have spoken with enough of these women to hear and understand their concerns. Many of them were worried, even upset, about not finding a faithful and suitable companion.

That’s when I thought the Church was doing its young members a disservice, not only by insisting that marriage was the only way to find authentic meaning in life, but hammering home this whole saying about temple marriage being the only way to flourish. celestial satisfaction.

Many women – and men – felt alone and truly burdened by these guidelines. The absolute – you must do this particular thing to find and inherit joy and fulfillment in this life and the next – was more than troubling to them. All they wanted, at least in some cases, was to get what many people yearn for: a chance at happiness, not living alone, finding meaningful relationships, and, hopefully, a partner who would treat them with kindness and kindness, respect and love.

Who thinks it’s wise to tell these members to only date those of their own faith, to avoid all the other wonderful people on the planet who might love them in the best way possible, and if they don’t not, their eternal progress could be in danger? The same question, or with the same at least temporal vibe, exists for those without faith and who refuse to connect with Latter-day Saints, even with those with whom they might be completely compatible and find love. sustainable.

Closer to us

As the father of five beautiful adult daughters – some of whom married inside the temple and remained in the faith; some who married outside the temple and left the faith; and some who were married inside the temple and are now out of the faith — I can say I am proud and happy for them all.

And I believe God is too.

As a Latter-day Saint, I believe that a loving God, who loves them more than me, extends that love equally and blesses them, regardless of where they worship, or whether they worship, or who they worship with, or who their friends are with. and spouses are. They are all good, altruistic and charitable. The last thing I did after so many years as a father was worry or panic about who they date or marry in regards to their religious preferences .

Anyone who thinks I don’t understand or adhere to my own church and its teachings, well, I leave that to God. I believe the Almighty will make it happen, one way or another. In the meantime, I will, in my own imperfect way, try to follow and live basic Christian principles.

One last thing and, again, forgive the personal nature of all this: the most precious part of my life, today and a thousand years from now, is my wife, Lisa. She is everything, the love of my life for 42 years and counting. Everyone who knows her likes her better than me and has a better opinion of her than of me. I’m fine with that. I also like it better. He’s a better person than me. I married her and she married me in a Latter-day Saint temple, and it was good for us.

However, she would not exist as she is if her late mother, Leora, a Latter-day Saint from Cache Valley, had not been willing to date Hank, a Catholic boy from Chicago, and eventually marry.

No one can convince me that the union has not been favored by God in the highest, holiest, and most sacred way imaginable. I thank heaven every day for what he did for them and for the extraordinary person he brought into this world.

So go out there and look for love – wherever you can find it, wherever you can feel it, wherever you can embrace it. And God, if you believe that way – one way or another, some way or another – will accept and love him too.

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