Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for a long time. Our relationship is stable but difficult. I have suffered from depression since childhood and am now trying to manage it. My husband has his own problems. One is that he often brings up something he finds “funny” about my parents. For example, he makes fun of my father and the house I grew up in because it wasn’t luxurious. It’s hurtful.

I don’t like it when my husband brings up Dad’s quirks to put him down. When I say I don’t like it, he starts yelling and telling me he’s not trying to hurt me and that I shouldn’t take it that way. Then he goes off and sulks and doesn’t speak to me again for the rest of the day.

His behavior is getting old. This is ruining things between us. If you tell someone that what they are saying is hurtful, but they ignore it, what happens then? Things he might find funny aren’t always funny to me. Any advice?

—No joke in Ohio

Dear No Joking: Your husband definitely has a cruel side. He says things that he knows will hurt you, blames you for feeling hurt, then uses that as an excuse to punish you. The term for this is passive-aggressive behavior.

If you plan to stay married to this miserable person, you will have to learn to ignore their comments. When you do this, he will likely increase the frequency of his “funny” remarks. When this happens, continue to ignore him, invite a friend or two to lunch away from home or to run errands. If it reaches the point where it becomes intolerable, see a licensed marriage and family therapist or talk to an attorney about how to break free.

Dear Abby: My wife was recently diagnosed with a partial arterial blockage. It’s not blocked enough to warrant an angioplasty or stent, so his doctors will manage it with medication and diet.

Because my wife now has to go on a special diet, she told me I can no longer eat something in front of her that she can’t eat. I have to eat only the food she eats. My health is good and I have no dietary restrictions. Is this demand she makes of me fair? How can I deal with it?

—Punished in Illinois

Dear Puni: I suspect that the diet you indirectly mentioned may be “heart healthy.” If so, over the last 20 years (or so) the American Heart Association has published numerous cookbooks featuring a variety of delicious recipes. (I know this is true because I’ve dipped my beak into some of them.)

A heart-healthy diet doesn’t have to be expensive, and it could benefit you, too. If you’re craving something your wife can’t eat, eat it somewhere else so she isn’t tempted. It’s not a huge sacrifice to make and his life could depend on it. Dig deep, try, and remember that this is what a supportive spouse does for the person they love.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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