Dear Annie: I have been with my partner for nine years. Lately I feel so distant, and it can’t help but be bothered. About a year ago everything changed. He started hiding his phone, keeping secret from his friends, having multiple social media accounts, etc.

I had a hunch for a while, and when I told him about it, he told me to never trust my intuition, which perplexed me because my whole life my intuition has always had reason. I’ve told him about his change in behavior multiple times, and he either gets upset and throws it back at me, or I just get the silent treatment.

I am still with him. I love this man so much and I could see him being my forever. But I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready to grow and make my dreams come true. I would love him to be on my side for this, but for the life of me I can’t not think about the way he acts. I just want to know for sure what’s going on, but I feel like I’ll never really know or get him to the truth.

They say that what happens in the dark always comes into the light. But when? I don’t want to work on things and then find out my instincts were right and that breaks my heart even more. I want to trust him and grow old together, but at this point I don’t know what to do. Can you help?

– Torn between love and doubt

Dear Torn: Your instinct is sending you a message – and you absolutely must trust it. Your spouse has been dragging you down, dismissing every red flag you’ve noticed and causing you to doubt yourself. In a healthy, loving relationship, he would do whatever is necessary to relieve your anxiety and prove that he can be trusted. The truth is, he can’t be.

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Dear Annie: I have been in a long distance relationship for over two and a half years. We’ve never met but we’ve been emailing each other all this time. I live in Tennessee and she lives in Birmingham, Alabama, but her work often takes her to Seattle. We are both 70 years old. She seems to be in me, and I am in her.

I tried to meet up with her several times, offering to fly to Seattle or even meet her in Las Vegas. She always tells me she needs to think about it and, of course, I never get an answer. I even asked her why she didn’t want to meet, but again, of course, no answer.

She never asked me for money or gifts. I know she went through a difficult divorce a long time ago. We have all experienced difficult times, especially at our age. She’s a Capricorn and fits the bill. I’m sure you’ll tell me to stop, but my problem is that when I see something I want, I don’t give up. Maybe it’s my weakness!

Call me I’m crazy, but she told me I was starting to break down some of her walls. Am I a fool?

— Crazy in the head

Dear fool: As difficult as it is to hear, this person has only been a pen pal to you for two and a half years, at best. What is most worrying is that this “woman” has not authorized a single phone call since you have known her.

If this person is really who they say they are, it’s clear that they are not ready for a romantic relationship (whether it’s really because of their messy divorce or because they don’t see you as their neighbor partner, we don’t know). . What we do know is that you deserve a relationship that’s real and has a future — and this woman, at least for now, doesn’t.