On the underrated virtues of seeking compromise between one’s own values ​​and those of others.

At first glance, it seems impossible to disagree: be true to your valuesIt seems to be a universal value in itself, at least for those who wish to behave with integrity.

It’s no surprise, then, that this mantra has been widely co-opted by the self-help industry, and that every pop psychology guide to unleashing our authentic selves, bringing our whole selves to work, and resisting pressures to conform to standards or external rules. .

And yet it is useful to consider some of the obvious exceptions to this rule, particularly if we are concerned about consequences individual beliefs and actions about others, including organizations and societies as a whole.

Let me start with the most obvious: what happens if your values ​​are questionable, let alone destructive? Certainly, few people are willing to accept this, especially when their values are questionable and destructive. But it is not difficult to see that such examples abound.

For example, should you be true to your values ​​or go “all in” if you are a fascist, racist, sexist, or misanthrope? What about if you’re a communist, climate change denier, anti-vaccine, or religious fanatic? And if you find some of these examples less clear than others, that’s exactly the problem: where to draw the line between values ​​that can be displayed or displayed acceptably in the workplace, and those that are not welcome?

Of course, it’s always easy to encourage people to express their values ​​when they align with those of a group, organization, or system, which is precisely what companies encourage when They decide to hire based on “culture fit”. However, this is a recipe for undermining diversity and innovation – while we all think and feel likewise, the result is not so much a strong and effective culture, but rather a worship.

With each major news event, organizational leaders are increasingly pressured to engage in corporate advocacy and “take a stand,” thereby reassuring employees that their values ​​are firmly held. represented in their organization. Whether it’s the current wars in Ukraine, the Middle East, political elections or current issues such as attitudes towards immigration, abortion, education or health policies, employees’ expectations that they must carefully select employers who share their “core values” conspire. against our ability to think independently and learn to interact with those who differ from us in terms of core values ​​and beliefs.

Needless to say, your colleagues probably aren’t very interested in your values. Some may be, yes, but the majority are more interested in finding a reliable, efficient, and enjoyable way to collaborate with yourself professionally. This is because they care about your personality at work, not your “whole self”, although it is clear that finding common interests (Liverpool FC, The Sopranos or Playa del Carmen) can lubricate social connections and improve work-related cooperation. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here: Just because you support different political candidates, have different lifestyles, or disagree on whether to boycott Michael Jackson doesn’t mean you can’t work together.

Taken seriously, the belief that we should always be true to our values ​​presupposes that it is others who should make the effort to adapt to us, which makes this belief fundamentally self-centered and narcissistic. And a world, society, or workplace in which everyone follows this mantra is fundamentally antisocial; It doesn’t really fit well. Not only effective collaboration, but also harmonious coexistence with others, requires the ability to compromise, to occasionally put aside our own values ​​and beliefs, in order to at least try to understand or respect values ​​and points different views. If everyone simply follows their own values, no one makes the slightest effort to adapt their behavior to that of others; and if what we really expect is for everyone to adapt to our own values, while remaining honest to them, without the need to bend or compromise, then we have not yet achieved a basic state of emotional or psychological maturity. ..

Interestingly, values ​​are remarkably stable throughout life, even in relation to our character or personality. This is generally seen as a positive, a sign that there is a noble human tendency to be guided by our own internal moral compass, to remain true to the beliefs instilled or transmitted by our parents, caregivers, or cultural upbringing. But is it not nobler to view humans as creatures emotionally and intellectually flexible enough to question their own beliefs, including the historical pillars of their core values ​​and moral code, so that they are open to understanding, and perhaps even adopting the beliefs of others? Why should our values ​​be rigid, and why should we admire the tendency to believe that our values ​​are better than those of others, when we may in fact be as wrong or more wrong than them?

Although it may be unrealistic to expect most people to possess the intellectual openness and humility to question their own values, and to be at least willing to consider the possibility that those whom they consider to be at the opposite extreme of any ideological or moral spectrum may be closer to the truth than themselves, there is no doubt that increasing our ability (and willingness) to at least tolerate the beliefs and values ​​of those who see the world differently from us would increase the emotional maturity, prosocial nature and liveability of our workplaces and societies. But that calls for a less self-centered stance than “just be true to your values.”

The intense tribalization, polarization and radicalization of work cultures and cultures in general have made even the simplest compromise a major psychological accomplishment: namely, simply pretending that one agrees with others, refraining from give unsolicited opinions, avoid disagreements and unnecessary escalations. , and wait until you get home to complain about your colleague when he is no longer in front of you. This simple formula has worked for hundreds of years but has become surprisingly heretical in a world that only encourages everyone to act as if they are the center of the universe…