Dear Eric: I’m a woman in a new relationship with a fabulous man who doesn’t seem to understand an issue I brought to his attention. I’ve noticed recently that when he looks at other women in front of me, I don’t feel respected. He listened and said he understood completely.

I didn’t have the courage to go any further, which is ridiculous considering my age (58) and the fact that this “problem” could lead to the end of our relationship. He very often engages with the most attractive woman in his neighborhood, often the same age as his own daughter, in a very friendly manner.

He doesn’t interact with any men in this way, and I’ve certainly noticed his increased engagement with younger women. There’s a line between just friendly and too friendly, especially when there’s a model who seems to show a preference for attractive, younger women.

I feel like we punish people, especially women, for bringing it up in a relationship and everyone is quick to view the accuser as controlling, insecure, and jealous. The root of my frustration is that I feel like I could be wrong and that I’m more careful about his interactions with younger women.

– Uncertain

Dear Uncertain: Even if he thinks his flirtations are harmless, witnessing them makes you feel less valued. It’s a vulnerable space to be in. It’s not ridiculous that it’s difficult to fully express yourself, so be kind to yourself.

Feeling insecure is not a fault. It is often a warning sign of an unmet emotional or psychological need. Maybe for you, that need is to feel truly seen, appreciated, and admired by your partner. So part of this is a growing advantage in your relationship.

He said he understood the issue when you brought it up, but has he found ways to change his behavior or its impact? This is a part of the conversation you should revisit.

Part of it is about other women, but an equal part is about the energy and attention he gives you. If you don’t feel love the way you want to feel love, it doesn’t control you to advocate for it. Since this is a new relationship, you continue to learn more about each other. Being able to communicate our needs and boundaries, and honoring them in our partners, is an essential part of successful romantic relationships.

Now, I’m not sure from your letter if his flirting is lewd. If so, you’ll want to re-evaluate whether this “fabulous” man is the right person for you.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.