After leaving her marriage in 2002, author Elizabeth Gilbert took a sabbatical in India, Italy and Indonesia during which she rediscovered love, then wrote about her experiences in a memoir: Eat, pray, love. Published in 2006, the book sold over 12 million copies and made her a household name.

Since then, Gilbert has published six more books and continues to travel the world, sharing lessons from his journey of self-discovery. Now 55, she looks to the future with confidence and on her own terms, even shaving her head to challenge conventional beauty standards.

It’s been almost 20 years since Eat, pray, love was published. How does it feel knowing that the title is now used as a phrase to describe spiritual and personal awakening?
One thing I’m so proud of in my life is that Eat, pray, love is now a term. It’s not that people weren’t doing it – people traveled alone for a multitude of reasons and for a very long time – but we didn’t have a catchy, universally understood term that meant, “I need to m ‘escape, I need to do this for myself, and I need to do it for deeply personal reasons. Whether it’s a breakup or a big life change, it’s about saying, “I’m coming back as a very different person than the one I knew – if I come back!” “I think it’s cool that we now have a phrase that’s shorthand for all of this, and it’s a phrase that I’m happy to be associated with.

Does your Eat, pray, love Does the journey repeat itself over and over again, or could it only happen once?
I don’t think this can happen again for me, nor do I think it’s necessary. If such a journey is successful, then something within you changes and you can never go back. There was an innocence to this journey, as well as an earnestness from the start – it was a place of confusion and I didn’t know if it was going to work. I always call a human life “Earth School,” and as long as you’re here and Earth School is going on, there are revelations and awakenings on the menu all the time.

You spent your early career writing for men’s magazines such as GQ And Squire. When did you begin to feel the desire to write about yourself rather than male subjects?
It was a time when magazines paid very well. When I was a young woman, I remember this feeling that men were the coolest things, and I wanted to be in that world. I don’t think I was necessarily wrong to see that. Men actually had a lot more freedom, they had more privileges, while the women I saw growing up were tired and angry. They had reasons for doing this, but it didn’t make me want to move on with their lives. Then I became a tired and angry woman myself.

I got married and as a result, I prepared a meal in front of a man every evening. I was like, “Wait a minute, I was an interesting person. I worked on a ranch in Wyoming. I used to travel the world. I went to Mexico for the eclipse. I had a nervous breakdown and an inner journey had to take place, and this is the book.

It’s always funny to me Eat, pray, love it’s like the super girl lit book. I thought, “Wow, I never thought I would be this person.” » But I’m so proud to be that person. It’s been a long time since I even thought about men, and they were the center of my world.

Who do you turn to in difficult emotional times?
It takes a village to hold me up! When my mind chases me with a knife, I turn to friends I’ve known for 30 years. They are my story and know me. But I am also a recovering addict (from sex and love addiction). I attend 12-step meetings every day and am around people who understand what it’s like to have a mind that feels like a dangerous neighborhood. I have a sponsor and a scholarship and it is my community – the heart of my life.

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I also have (American author) Glennon Doyle on speed dial. We call each other all the time. I recently heard a woman say, “Everything I thought I would get from one man, I now understand I can only get from a community of women.” “A whole community of women keeps me alive and I love it.

What do your fans expect from you these days?
They want permission. I am happy to identify myself as a walking permit holder. This could allow them to divorce, even if their husband does not beat them. It’s recognizing that the man you chose to marry may not be the worst and is fundamentally a good person, but you want to die every day and you will die if you stay in this marriage. These people want permission not to have children in a world that tells them they won’t be fulfilled until they do. They want permission to write books, to make art, to travel alone. They ask for permission, and if I can give it, I will.

What improves with age?
All. There are so many things that culture teaches women that are not only misleading but absolute. Weird Friday absurdity. One of those things is the terror of aging and the messages about how our worth is slowly devalued as we age and lose what we hideously call our looks. This doesn’t match what studies show, that women become happier as they age.

We know this because how many 50-year-olds would replace their 20-year-old selves? I wouldn’t even trade myself now with my 40 year old self. It’s so ingrained to get older. Unless you really pay attention to it, you gain wisdom and perspective, you become better at setting boundaries and knowing who you are and who you are not. Not everyone is in their 50s; it’s a chance.

Why did you cut your hair?
I didn’t just cut it off, I shaved it. I took a clipper and removed everything. I do it once a week.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but it’s very difficult for me to imagine what it would be like to have hair again. I remember attending an event in New York and hanging out with a group of people in their 50s. Every man had his hair combed, and it looked so beautiful; those silver foxes with wrinkles on their faces. All the women had some version of long, complicated hair and all were blonde.

I looked around, wondering why we are still doing this. The only reason I can think of is that you want your hair to look attractive and alluring, but that’s not a good enough reason. I was like, “I can sit here and complain about the beauty standards of men and women or I can just go home and get my head buzzed.” » And I did, and I claimed the privilege that men have. What if I could jump into an ocean and come out with perfect hair? What if I could get out of bed and my hair was perfect? Get off a 13 hour flight, hair is perfect! I didn’t wait for the culture to change, I did it anyway.

What pressures did you put on yourself when you were younger?
I wanted to be pretty. I was neither a tomboy nor a butch girl, I was a very romantic girl and I wanted men to look at me with rapture and desire and I did everything I could for that. I look at (my younger self) now with great compassion. She was desperate and hungry for love, very insecure and needed more assurance than the world could provide. I did everything I could to get her – God bless her.

You were in a relationship with Rayya Elias from 2016 until her death from pancreatic cancer in 2018. Tell us about that.
For me, it’s not so much about being with a woman or a man. Being with Rayya wasn’t a big deal, but that’s what people want to know. I loved him so much. It was his honesty that attracted me. The best thing about Rayya was that you always knew where you stood. Frankness, the desire to steer the ship into the wind. She said, “Let’s put this all on the table. » It was fearless. She was my role model.

Did you experience deep grief after Rayya’s death or did you lose motivation?
Motivation was not a problem for me. I didn’t lose the will to live when Rayya died. I wrote a poem for her that said, “It’s not that I wanted to die when you died, I just wanted to be where you were.” » I missed her and wanted to find a way to connect.

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Grief is a living experience. It’s not the same as depression. Depression is dull and destructive of life; the grief is electric and almost unbearably vivid. All true sorrow contains an element of joy. I found the grief brutal and intense, but I didn’t find it life-destroying.

Are you currently in a relationship?
I’ve dated someone and been involved, but I’m not very interested. I feel like turning 50 is the decade I’m giving myself as a gift. When I’m in a relationship, I give my all. I’ve done this my whole life and I don’t want to have this leak again. It’s like a hole in the boat; Everything is slipping away from me and I can’t stop. I want to invest in myself, in my work and in my friendships.

What are you still looking for in life?
Clarification. I always want it to happen overnight, and it has never happened. One of the monks I studied with in India told me that instant happiness dissolves instantly. I no longer seek this instant awakening. I don’t think there is a better use of my life than to seek communion and union with what I call God, and that involves hours of daily practice. Part of the reason I don’t want to be in a relationship is because I don’t want to give it up; it’s the most important thing in my life.

An evening with Elizabeth Gilbert will be on tour from February 1 to 15, 2025.

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