Watching my date slide into the passenger seat, I was filled with both excitement and nervousness.

It was the first date I’d been on since my relationship imploded barely a month earlier. For weeks I was at a loss after learning my ex cheated on me, but now I finally felt ready to return to the dating pool.

As he strapped himself in, I was sure the night would go off without a hitch – and then he spoke.

“Oh…I know that car,” he said with a wry smile and I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

He then told me about the passionate night he had with a man. in a carthis car, My car and my heart sank.

The man he was describing was my ex.

I met my ex Alex* in the fall of 2010 on a dating site which has long since disappeared called Black Gay Chat (BGC).

At the time, I was a carefree and excited 25 year old, but Alex made me curious. I thought he was beautiful – he had the most beautiful smile in his photos. But he also seemed genuine, and so that physical connection became deeper – I was fascinated.

We talked for about three weeks before we left for our first date in July.

I was living in North London at the time but he was in South London, so I agreed to pick him up in my car (a blue Ford Mondeo).

The meeting was pretty simple: we went to eat, then drove around for a while before parking up for a walk along the river at Surrey Quays.

This may sound like an exaggeration, but I fell in love on this walk. We held hands and didn’t let go – it was a perfect romantic comedy. His infectious laugh and witty banter captivated me immediately.

From then on, every free moment we had, we were together. I used to come see him every evening after work and even when we went out, we only had eyes for each other.

Unsurprisingly, our relationship grew quickly after that. We spent countless hours exploring the city, sharing secrets, building a foundation of trust and affection and we made it official soon after. After a few months, I started to believe that it was him.

Then, about nine months into our relationship, he started getting too busy to see me. However, he told me he was with his best friend “working on a new business,” so I could hardly be angry.

And then he started asking to borrow my car.

At first he said he needed it to pick up a friend from the airport, so of course I didn’t hesitate to hand him the keys.

The next time he asked, it was because he needed to buy a gift for his niece. He ended up asking for the car at least twice a week.

However, I never questioned him or suspected anything was wrong. He always had a plausible reason and always returned it the same evening. I had no reason not to trust him.

But, One evening, while Alex was out with my car again, I decided to check his laptop. I had a feeling something was wrong – I wanted to understand why he needed my car so often.

I felt a pang of guilt as I typed in his password, but my curiosity was overwhelming. And it turns out that snooping around like that, it was the best thing I could have done.

To my horror, I found a series of emails and text messages sent to dozens of different people revealing that he was cheating on me. My heart was pounding as I read the words that turned my world upside down: “I can’t wait to fuck you again.”

I was so angry that I couldn’t eat, blink, or even breathe properly because I was filled with rage and despair. All I did was wait for Alex to come back to mine so I could confront him.

When I did, Alex denied everything at first. But when I presented him with the evidence, his facade crumbled and, despite his denials, guilt was written all over his face.

We argued for hours and I realized there was no way we could go back.

I couldn’t stand the distrust and the lies, so I told him loud and clear that it was over.

That’s how I found myself on a first date a month later. He seemed like a nice guy and we had just arranged a drink – I wanted to take it slow.

But before our night could even begin, he let it go that bomb.

Not only had Alex collected it, but he then drove them to our special spot by the river at Surrey Quays where he told me they performed all sorts of physics-defying positions in such a space confined.

I felt sick, devastated, heartbroken and betrayed all over again. I ended the date about five minutes later and decided to take a break from dating. I wasn’t ready.

After a few months, I thought I had finally started to heal from the whole ordeal, but then I was approached by a stranger who worked at the hotel where I was having dinner with a friend.

He said he had seen my car several times in front of this hotel – with a different person behind the wheel and dozens of people in the passenger seat each time. “I thought you should know what I saw happening in your car,” he told me.

I knew he was talking about Alex.

Finding the texts had been one thing, but these constant discoveries he had used My car to conduct one’s businessreally stung.

I didn’t think I would ever know the true extent of his infidelity, but in September 2012 he asked to meet in person, which is when he revealed to me that he had an STI.

He continued to claim that I was the only person he had slept with, essentially blaming me for his diagnosis, but I knew the truth. Furious, I left.

I got tested myself and my results, fortunately, came back negative. And it was only after that that Alex admitted to me that he had cheated on me for several months.

He slept with 25 guys – and four of them were in my car.

I was both shocked and relieved to finally have the truth.

As the saying goes, “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to rebuild.” Although my pain continued from that point on, I was able to heal.

But I will keep my car keys for myself in the future.

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