Dear Eric: I have a friend who is an angry and impatient driver. On a recent trip, he was the driver, and it was a very stressful experience for his passengers. He insulted other drivers, braked suddenly, shouted loudly in the car.

He’s also the type of person who gets impatient with the waiters, takes change from the cashier, complains about parking, gets upset because there are too many people in a store and gets very angry. when asked to calm down. Normally the others in our group try to ignore him or just say “that’s who he is”, but after this last trip I’m wondering if you can give us some suggestions on what we can say and how we can behave when we are uncomfortable. with his behavior.

—Calm friend

Dear Calm: Respectfully, I don’t know why you are still friends with this person. This is not a dig at you. This person’s behavior is rather blatantly antisocial and concerning. It’s hard to see any benefit to this friendship.

This could be the result of a psychological or emotional problem. If so, help is available if they accept it. Try talking to him about it in a calm moment. Acknowledge their feelings – frustration, anger, etc. – while letting him know how his behavior affects those around him. “When (x) happened, I felt scared/stressed/uncomfortable. This worries me and feels like it’s negatively affecting our friendship. When we’re together, I want to feel (x) instead.

You can also use this opportunity to set a non-negotiable limit on what you will participate in. If you don’t feel safe in a car with your friend, say so. And follow that statement with action. Don’t get in the car.

If you think it’s inappropriate to treat servers abruptly (which it is) and you won’t dine with him if he does, tell him that too. Encourage him to talk to a professional, either through individual counseling or through an online or in-person anger management support group.

He may not see his anger as a problem. He can see it as a legitimate response to a world that has not met his expectations. It’s his right, but his actions have repercussions and it’s important to let him know and give him the chance to change.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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