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    • I will listen to Trump voters when they decide to listen to me
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    I will listen to Trump voters when they decide to listen to me

    Pabio Posted on

    But the fact is, it’s the bear that wants to eat my face, not the other way around. And I’m pretty sure that no matter what I understand about the bear, it will still want to eat my face.

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    So I’m standing in the forest and there’s this bear is rushing towards me and I’m pretty sure he wants to eat my face. Obviously the most important thing I can do right now is listen to the bear and try to understand why does it feel like that, right?

    That’s what people at the edges of the forest tell me. They say: “This bear who wants to eat your face is misunderstood, and you need to commit to it and understand what YOU did wrong to make this bear angry.

    To which I respond: “Um… OK. But the fact is, it’s the bear that wants to eat my face, not the other way around. And I’m pretty sure that no matter what I understand about the bear, it will still want to eat my face.

    The charging bear wants to eat my face, and you want me to reason with it?

    This bear, you see, was not shy about expressing his feelings toward me or others like me. He’s been angry and growling for years, clearly afraid of anyone different from him, as if another bear was in his ear shouting, “YOU ARE THE VICTIM HERE!” » Once I saw the bear wearing a “F— Your Feelings” T-shirtwhich was remarkable because I didn’t know bears wore T-shirts or understand profanity.

    There is no shortage of surprises these days.

    I saw this bear with others, applauding the idea of ​​locking other beings in enclosureswhich is decidedly not bear-like behavior.

    Notice: Ignore the Trump and MAGA hatred between now and the inauguration. Nothing matters.

    “No, no,” they say. “We must strive to understand the angry bear that is coming!” »

    Given these factors, why do my so-called friends at the edge of the forest advise me to reckon with the bear that wants to eat my face? What am I supposed to do? Should I ask him about his feelings? Plumb the depths of his psyche to find the precise reason why he seems so determined to mutilate me?

    Based on the decisions he’s made, I’m convinced this bear isn’t thinking much at the moment. It’s all about identity, not ego.

    I’ve met this bear before, of course. The first time, people begged me to understand the bear, and I tried, and it left me with a half-eaten face and nothing else.

    A kind older man chased away the angry bear once. Alas.

    The second time, a kind older man managed to scare the bear away. I noticed when this happened that no one was asking the bear to understand me, or people like me, or even the old man who scared him.

    In fact, the next time the bear tries to understand me or any being who thinks differently, it will be the first time.

    Notice: I guess Trump won because the Democrats forgot to cheat. Oops !

    While the old man watched, the bear remained angry and hungry for faces to eat. For reasons I will never understand, most began treating the bear with the face eating problem as if it were a normal bear, as if all the anger and face eating was nothing to worry about.

    Oops. It turns out the angry bear knew something about manipulating people.

    Look, I can talk to the bear, but I’m pretty sure he’ll still eat me

    So here I am in the forest with the charging bear. And all I hear, once again – from the chorus at the edge of the forest – is that I should do everything in my power to accommodate the bear and understand why he is determined to eat my face.

    No, thank you. The bear is angry. He was angry before he ate my face the first time, he stayed angry, he was very angry when the old man chased him, and he stayed angry, and now he chased the old man, and he still seems very angry.

    I don’t see much middle ground between “I don’t want you to eat my face” and “I will absolutely eat your face.” I don’t give the bear a hand to nibble on it.

    And I’m not running away. You never run from a bear.

    When faced with a bear, be loud and don’t show fear

    No, I’m going to follow the advice of any good park ranger and stand my ground while making a lot of noise.

    The bear might eat my face again. But if it’s going to happen again, I don’t need to investigate his motives or examine how I might have harmed the bear by…I don’t know…recognizing that the world has a little exchange.

    The forest chorus continues to think that there is something more there than a superficial desire for face meat. I think that gives the bear way too much credit.

    Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

    Pabio
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