DEAR ABBY: I have warm memories of Christmas from my childhood. I only started to hate it when I married my second husband. My parents got older and we celebrated their last Christmas together. They died several years ago. Afterwards, I really hated the season and all the bullshit that came with it. I tried to love it the last few years and did all the holiday things. I sent cards, baked cookies, decorated, bought gifts – I even went to church.

Last Christmas Eve, I just “broke down”. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took down most of the decorations because I couldn’t look at them anymore. I’m not well and my boyfriend is sick from time to time. He loves Christmas, so I’ll put some things back for him, not for me. Why don’t I like Christmas? It’s so painful. Maybe you can help me understand my feelings. –Scrooge in Indiana

DEAR SCROOGE: Your change in attitude may have been caused by two things. The first would be that, in your mind, Christmas is linked to the loss of your parents and a chapter in your life that is now closed. The other might have been caused by the incessant hype and merchandising around Christmas that starts right after Halloween. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and ask your boyfriend to help you by celebrating the MEANING of Christmas, rather than the trappings. Helping someone – or a family – less fortunate comes to mind.