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DEAR ABBY: Some time ago you printed a letter from a grandmother who said she was changing her will because neither her adult children nor her grandchildren had ever written her thank you notes when she sent a gift. I had taught my son the importance of writing thank you notes, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of completing the process. I cut the letter out of your column and sent it to him.

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Boy, what a difference that made. He recently got married and many people have told me what heartfelt thank you letters they received in a timely manner and how much they were appreciated. He recently celebrated his birthday and everyone who wished him well received a written thank you.

Abby, please continue to remind your readers of the importance of gratitude and kindness and what it means to others. The law has gotten out of hand. Handwritten thank you notes are NOT going out of style. They uplift the heart of the giver. THANKS. — TAMARA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TAMARA: The subject of thank you notes is one of the most common complaints I receive from readers. Some people delay writing because they have difficulty expressing themselves in writing, don’t know what to say, or are afraid of saying the wrong thing.

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I advise readers to have a notebook handy when they open their gifts and to JOIN THE FIRST WORDS THAT COME TO MIND when they see what’s inside. For some reason, they mistakenly believe that a thank you needs to be long and flowery when, in fact, a short, sharp thank you is more effective. Do they like the color? The style? Is the gift something they wanted? Write it down and use it as inspiration!

The My Letters booklet contains sample thank you notes for birthday gifts, party gifts, wedding gifts, and those that arrive during the holidays. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address and a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Letters Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling charges are included in the price. You will also find examples of letters of congratulations as well as for difficult subjects, such as the loss of a parent, a spouse or a child. Many readers have told me that my booklet is a valuable tool for teaching basic manners to their children.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m old and stuck in a miserable marriage. The romance is long gone. We live as roommates. If I were to die tomorrow, I don’t think anyone would miss me. I am partially disabled and it is difficult for me to get by on my own. Should I accept life as it is, or should I kick its ass? — WITHOUT HOPE IN TEXAS

Dear Desperate: If you are financially dependent on your husband or need his help with personal needs, I do not recommend “kicking his butt.” Contact your nearest senior center and ask about activities offered in your community, including transportation for the elderly or disabled. If you do, you might be pleasantly surprised to discover that you’re not as isolated as you think.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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