Thanksgiving is a strange holiday. Problematic roots aside, it’s about getting together with everyone in your family, including those you specifically make an effort to never see, to eat lukewarm food together way too early (Thanksgiving dinner at 4 p.m.? Get the hell out of here). At the end of the night, half the family will find themselves locked in strange political conversations – especially this year – while the other half will go for a suspiciously long walk and come back with eyes shot of blood and an insatiable desire. for a few seconds.

This is all pretty weird, but politics and lukewarm food aside, the weirdest part of Thanksgiving is how awful the food combination can be if you play it wrong. Sure, some families are lucky enough to have several members with real cooking skills, making Thanksgiving dinner a true spread of delicious flavors, but that’s not everyone’s family. And for each universally delicious dish like mashed potatoes, hot gravy, gooey macaroni and cheese, and Decadent Pumpkin PieThere are at least two Thanksgiving staples you’d never eat another year.

Candied yams, canned cranberry sauce, the abomination that is Ambrosia – why the hell do we force ourselves to like these dishes? Who decided to make these the staple dishes of this holiday, and have they ever been invited to another Thanksgiving dinner since? We don’t think so. So to mark the holiday, we’re here to rank the worst sides of Thanksgiving, from mildly offensive to so bad you’ll probably get kicked out of the family if you bring them.

Let’s eat! Or, you know… no.

9. Türkiye

Why we hate this dish:

Is it weird to put turkey on a list of worst Thanksgiving foods given that it’s the central dish of the entire holiday? Only in optics! Look, I have nothing against the turkey itself, but during Thanksgiving, the person who cooks the turkey is usually the one who always cooks the turkey. What I mean by this is that the person responsible for this dish is given this responsibility because of tradition, not because they are competent in the kitchen. And there are many ways to fuck a turkey!

Thanksgiving is a holiday centered around foods that are typically cooked elsewhere and then reheated hours, or even days, later. This causes dishes like turkey to dry out. Many people also don’t bother to brine or even dry brine their bird, which, again, adds to the dryness. I’m not saying it’s impossible for turkey to be good at Thanksgiving, I’m just saying it’s unlikely.

The bottom line:

Yes, it’s the centerpiece of the holidays, but it’s not to have be.

8. Apple pie

Why we hate this dish:

I don’t hate apple pie, just thinking about the famous Thanksgiving pies, apples are always a disappointment. To quote Prince, “dig if you want the picture”: You just finished dinner and now you’re looking for dessert. “We have pie!” said your cousin’s wife. You eagerly head to the kitchen, plate in hand, and find not a pumpkin or pecan pie, but a damn apple pie.

Is it really worth taking a piece? We don’t think so. You know who ends up with apple pie at Thanksgiving? The person who came to the market too late.

The bottom line:

The only Thanksgiving pie that inspires disappointment.

7. Glazed Carrots

Why we hate this dish:

I think we can all agree that Thanksgiving doesn’t have enough vegetable sides, but what frustrates me is that the vegetable sides that are staples are crap like glazed carrots and creamed spinach. Glazed carrots are the laziest dish a person can make, all you have to do is toss them in brown sugar and butter, throw them in the oven, set it and forget it.

No, literally, please forget about them, no one likes it when you show up to the table with these things, it just tells the world that you couldn’t be bothered enough to bother preparing a real dish. There’s a reason there’s always an abundance of glazed carrots at the end of the night: people only eat them because they feel the need to make up for all the mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and the stuffing they have already loaded. plate with.

The bottom line:

An effortless dish that people eat just because they feel the need to.

6. Creamed spinach

Why we hate this dish:

I mentioned this dish in passing during the last entry so you had to see it coming! I need to know, who likes creamed spinach? Which of you likes this dish that tastes like earth and has the consistency and texture of a puddle of marsh water?

To be fair to my editor who loves creamed spinach, there is a time and place for this dish, the time and place just isn’t Thanksgiving dinner. Pair this side dish with a bloody, flavorful steak, not a dry-as-shit turkey and sweet ham, and it starts to make sense. But on the Thanksgiving side, it’s one of the worst.

The bottom line:

Good if you like eating dirt.

5. Candied yams

Why we hate this dish:

I have never seen a more visually beautiful dish that tasted like absolute garbage. Candied yams are just too sweet! Yams are already sweet enough on their own, but once you add brown sugar, vanilla extract, or any other sweet dessert ingredient to the dish, it makes them taste like candy, just like the name suggests. noted.

And what do you associate with this sugar bomb? Baked ham is already sweet and roast beef goes best with mashed potatoes and gravy, so the leaves, what, turkey? You know how we feel about this bird!

The bottom line:

A sweet potato casserole is always the best choice.

4. Jelly salad

Why we hate this dish:

Oh, damn, right now.

The bottom line:

Enough said.

3. A corn dish that isn’t cornbread

Why we hate this dish:

If you arrived at Thanksgiving dinner with a bowl of corn that you opened from a can and boiled, know that everyone hates you. Boiled corn is not a dish! We’ve said it before, but Thanksgiving doesn’t have enough vegetable dishes, and that’s because people keep doing the bare minimum, making Thanksgiving the worst potluck ever.

The only corn dish worth serving on the table is cornbread. And look, you don’t have to create it from scratch either. Buy a can of Jiffy, dice a jalapeño, mix in some Greek yogurt for extra fluffiness, and voila! You have spicy jalapeño cornbread. Tell us that doesn’t look delicious.

The bottom line:

If you bring corn to the table, you don’t even try.

2. Canned Cranberry Sauce

Why we hate this dish:

You can make the argument that when done right, such as using former Uproxx writer Zach Johnston’s homemade bourbon-cranberry sauce recipe, this dish can pop. A good homemade cranberry sauce can add tangy and sweet dimension and complexity to various Thanksgiving staples. But most of the time it comes from a can, and it’s awful.

Canned products usually contain additional sugar and preservatives that not only diminish the wonderful health benefits of cranberries, but also give them a strange chemical or fragrant aftertaste that overwhelms rather than uplifts.

The bottom line:

Great if you can make it from scratch, but most of the time it’s only on the table because of tradition.

1. Ambrosia

Why we hate this dish:

Honestly, this dish is trash. This sounds like what I imagine clown vomit to be like. Ambrosia comes from Greek mythology, and it is believed to be the food of the gods. Who invented this dish, Hermès? Get it? Because Hermes is known for being a prankster… too corny? Okay, I fully apologize for that joke, but I’m still calling this the worst Thanksgiving dinner dish ever.

This fruit salad features pineapple, mandarin oranges (both usually canned), rainbow marshmallows, coconut, and whipped cream. Just writing this makes my stomach turn. The result is a mix of artificial sweetness with a strange tropical undertone that doesn’t complement the herbaceous fall flavors of Thanksgiving dinner. To make this dish even worse, it’s often left on the table instead of refrigerated, which melts the whipped cream and creates a disgusting puddle of swampy sweetness.

The bottom line:

Direct offensive.