DEAR ABBY by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old woman who has had issues with self-esteem and personal relationships her entire life. My fiancé and I have talked in depth about past trauma, but it’s only in the last year that I’ve realized how much of an impact my mother has had on these aspects of my life.

For as long as I can remember, she always told me that ever since I was born, she had a hard time connecting with me and that I didn’t love her. How could this have been something I caused? I suspect she may have had postpartum issues and is now a fully diagnosed bipolar person.

I see her having functional relationships with many other people, but to this day we have almost no connection. I feel guilty about the state of our relationship but worse when I witness how she treats others over me. Am I a horrible girl? — DISCONNECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISCONNECTED: If what your mother said is true, remember that for the most part, children respond with love to the people who love them. You are not responsible for your mother’s diagnosed mental illness, which may be why she had such difficulty communicating with you. You’re not a terrible girl. If you have any doubts about what I have written, please consult a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand that you have no reason to feel guilty.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.